Source: Reddit user Direct-Caterpillar77

My [26M] gym buddy [35M] is cheating on my sister’s [28F] best friend [30F]. I told him we can’t be friends anymore. Am I wrong?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Ninja-Kiwi

My [26M] gym buddy [35M] is cheating on my sister’s [28F] best friend [30F]. I told him we can’t be friends anymore. Am I wrong?

Original post  Dec 3, 2014

I used to train alone, because I don’t have to take others into account. I have a very irregular schedule and long hours so this works for me. I train whenever I can. I also lift pretty heavy. I met Ben [35M] eight months ago. He joined my gym and we hit it off. He talked to me and asked me if he could train in with me. I was hesitant, but I could use a spotter sometimes. He’s a cop and surprisingly has the same irregular shifts as me. His lifting stats are very close to mine. We started working out together and pushing/motivating each other for higher PR’s. As guys do, we started talking about hook ups, dating and life in general during sets and sometimes we hung out outside of the gym as well. He told me he was dating around and had a few fuck buddies. I thought nothing serious, or exclusive because he was seeing several at the same time.

One day my sister [28F] came to the gym with me. Ben was there too. She recognized Ben as the boyfriend of her best friend Allie [30F]. I asked her if she was sure and what does she mean boyfriend/if they were exclusive. She told me yeah and of course they are exclusive. I quickly changed the subject.

The next time I met Ben at the gym I asked him after our work out about Allie and he confirmed he was indeed dating her. I asked him if she knew about the other girls, he said no she did not. He was basically cheating on her. I felt very guilty and conflicted. I told him I knew Allie and she was a very nice girl and didn’t deserve this kind of behaviour. I said we could no longer be friends and I didn’t want to train together anymore. I told him to cut all contact.

He said he didn’t understand what had changed and said we were good friend and I shouldn’t throw this away. I have to say a part of me still wants to train with him and hang out, because I thought he was a good guy, but then I feel incredibly guilty towards Allie and know I can’t do that to her. Our gym sessions were great and I always felt pumped up. I told Ben ‘No’ and stop texting and/or calling me. He still does and it’s kinda awkward at the gym, but I ignore him. He still wants to be friends. Am I wrong?

Is it my place to tell Allie to dump this guy, because he’s a cheater? Often time the harbinger of bad news gets crucified so I don’t want to tell my sister and burden her with this knowledge and task of telling Allie. What should I do? Tell Allie? Tell my sister? Shrug it off and still train and hang out with Ben?

tl;dr: Found out my gym buddy is the cheating boyfriend of my sisters friend. I got off contact. Am I wrong? Who should tell Allie if anyone?

TOP COMMENTS

PreftigeWhore

You’re not wrong for not wanting to be friends with people who do shitty things.

LePetitChou

Frankly, I think what OP did was an incredible sign of his character.  Plenty of people would have felt  uncomfortable, but would still continue to work out with the scummy cop to avoid “awkwardness.” Some people might have gone a step farther and just cut contact, with no explanation.

But OP did the truly honorable, and uncomfortable, thing by explaining why he was cutting the friendship off.  Good for you, u/Ninja-Kiwi ; it would be a better world if there were more people like you in it.

~

[deleted]

I love how he doesn’t even understand the problem.

He didn’t even have an ‘Oh shit!’ reaction when you told him you knew Allie. Normal people who do something wrong would have that reaction. Normal people would understand immediately that you’ve got a conflict of interest here and would swerve into damage control. Excuses, bragging, I’m-reformed. Something to mitigate the chances you’ll tell.

He didn’t. He’s completely, utterly, remorseless about betraying his girlfriend’s trust.

You should tell literally everyone. This guy is insane and everyone should avoid him.

Update  Dec 6, 2014 (3 days later)

TL;DR of previous Found out my gym buddy was the cheating boyfriend of my sister’s best friend. Cut contact with gym buddy. Gym buddy kept contacting me and wanting to remain friends.

Thank you all for your replies. Some were worried, because Ben is a cop. Well that would never stop me from doing the right thing and am glad I did. I knew I had to tell Allie. You guys gave me the push I needed. I would have wanted to know and would be very upset if someone I knew was aware of my SO cheating and chose not to tell me. I found out the extent of Ben’s douchebaggery. First I told my sister right away that Ben was sleeping around and I wanted to warn Allie. She came with a bombshell! Ben was hitting on her too! That asshole is infuriating me now. Ben sometimes tagged along when my sister and Allie would hang out and Ben would always flirt/hit on my sister. This asshole is making me so furious right now. My sister hadn’t told Allie, because she didn’t want her to get hurt and nothing happened. And never would, because Ben is Allie’s boyfriend and also my sister doesn’t date assholes.

So then I decided to tell Allie. My sister was there too. I decided to take the direct route and rip the truth out like a bushy woman getting a full Brazilian. It would be quick and sting, but not as much as slowly peeling it off. Apparently Allie suspected some douchebaggery going on, because he was being secretive with his phone all of a sudden lately and ‘hide’ when he was texting/turn away the screen etc. Allie was upset, but she did see it coming I guess and was really glad I told her. She said she loved me like a brother of her own and really thanked me for the honesty. She was dumping Ben right away and wants to go No Contact and block him on all media. I was at the gym yesterday and today, but didn’t see him. We’ll see how it goes. I’m not switching gyms because of this asshole. I’ve trained there for years now and know the owner and staff. I really love my gym.

tl;dr: The extent of Ben’s douchebaggery is revealed. I told Allie and she dumped Ben and went NC

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