I’ve had a bit of a rough go with it in terms of being raised in a bad environment, not properly socialised properly early in life, and to top it off my partner of 7 years just ended things because of some pretty nasty issues between us that I felt were perfectly fixable.
Everything as it is, I’ve started having issues with feelings of being disposable. Like I don’t matter, like I’m nothing and I can’t expect people to stick around, like they’re waiting for a reason to abandon me.
On a logical level that doesn’t hold much water, but at this point I’m starting to wonder how to fight these feelings if they come from very factual places. How can I justify the thought that I inheritly have worth, if the reality of the situation is that I keep being treated like garbage.
I’m doing all the right stuff, seeing a psych, prioritising recover, actually have a pretty decent inner voice going, but the feelings are still really strong and it’s hard to fight them. I’m not really sure how to handle this.
First of all, I would spend some time being single and learning about yourself. Who are you as a person? What do you value? Second, sit down and make a list of all your uncrossable boundaries. This applies to every relationship you have, not just dating. For example: I won’t allow poeple in my life who hit dogs. I won’t allow people in my life who are rude to wait staff. Third, and most important of all, ask yourself what you bring to the table? Learn to recognize green flags in yourself and others. Be kind, be a helper, but remember your boundaries.
I highly recommended Pete Walkers book Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving. Along with What Everybody is Saying by Joe Navarro. These books will allow you to start fixing your “poeple picker.” So you can stop of cycle of being around the poeple who drag you down instead of biuld you up.
Best of luck!