I may have to work for a childish manager: he is older than me, which should mean he is more mature than me but he acts like a teenager, somebody I would never befriend out of the workplace. I don’t know if he is simply this childish or if this is a facade he’s been told to maintain.
I like to use downtime to learn, because my field is huge and there is so much stuff I barely understand, because learning opens doors to better jobs and because almost half of my coworkers bore me, use every excuse to smoke and if I read at least I don’t have to talk to them.
I don’t like wasting my time.
I worked for this manager, in the past: he had the guts to tell me I have to talk to him, as if I don’t give him the attention he craves for I’m not good enough for him. I told him I am all to talk about the job, the science behind it (science I barely understand), about the devices we use, not about his life, not about what he did on his weekend, not about his problems with his wife.
He didn’t say anything and to this day I don’t know if I pissed him. I neither understand why doing your job is not enough. I’m there for a paycheck and to learn.
Working for this person is a terrible idea, right?
One of my biggest pet peeves is being forced to befriend people I don’t feel attached to. It feels fake and walking on eggshells, like trying to guess what the needy person wants to hear, like he was a child. Why can’t you say hi and get things done?
I feel you, I had a few managers like you describe. I am all for establishing your boundaries and telling people what you don’t care for if it doesn’t affect your tasks and so on, and I also agree with what other people told you here.
For example, I had a colleague that just talked about their sex life all the time. I deflected every time to another subject, I didn’t laugh at crassy innuendos and boys’ club language, I didn’t engage in stories of my own, but I became very fluent in being smiley, engaged, and willing to talk about work-related topics. People don’t feel offended and they pick up quickly that there are topics I won’t encourage. And I think I am better off now, with colleagues I really do care about. And if people insist on small talk, I sometimes tell yhem honestly, sympathetically, that I am stressed about things being done and that we will catch up later.
There is a way to connect with colleagues that doesn’t feel fake, but it takes practice and good faith. I don’t think it is beneficial in the long run to see others as of lesser value or as a waste of time. It can worsen social relationships. You seem to be motivated to know more about the inner workings of your job and it’s great, and I think the skill of “managing” middle managers and bosses could be included in the skillset.