Source: Reddit user Direct-Catterpillar77

My fiancée wants me to get circumcised before our wedding

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA-000000

My fiancée wants me to get circumcised before our wedding.

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

BoRU 1 Posted by u/bestupdator

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racism

Original Post Feb 11, 2020

We met in the summer of 2018 and got engaged last year. Although our relationship is pretty solid, she can be very hotheaded. For example she gets upset when things don’t go her way and takes it as a personal insult. It’s definitely a “princess” syndrome that can be difficult to deal with but it never caused serious issues.

A couple of months ago she told me that I will get circumcised before our wedding later this year. I said no and she straight up told me that “it’s not a choice”. We argued for a bit and she said that I wouldn’t be attracted to her if she had an “outie” vagina with “extra skin” hanging (her words, not mine). I told her that it’s not really the same thing at all and that I’d be attracted to her regardless. However she got very irritated ignored me for the rest of the evening.

She has not stopped talking about this since that day. Everyday she sends me articles talking about the benefits of circumcision, that it’s totally healthy/safe and why I should do it. She says that “civilized” men get circumcised and that “we’re not like those Europeans”. The thing is, she’s mixed race (half French) and grew up in France so I don’t understand her thought process here. Her ex was French but she repeatedly said that she dislikes French people and wants me to be “better” than that. According to her, that includes getting a circumcision.

Yesterday she brought it up again and I said that she has no right to tell me what to do with my body. She yelled that she spends a lot of time/effort into her appearance and isn’t asking for much in return. While it’s true she spends a lot of money on beauty/hair/facial treatments (around $800 a month) I don’t think you can compare that to a circumcision. She got very upset, calling me “selfish” and “heartless” and basically told me to fuck off. Normally when we argue she doesn’t get that heated but I could hardly tolerate her attitude yesterday.

Later that evening we had sex (yes…I’m stupid) and in the middle of it, she brought up the topic again. It felt very manipulative and when I told her that this is not the right time, she accused me of not loving her and actually started crying. Since she rarely cries this didn’t seem genuine. She got up and told me that “we” will get this done either way and that I shouldn’t let such a small issue ruin what we have. To be honest, that sounded ominous and I don’t even know what to think of it.

Is this something we can work out at all? Throughout our entire relationship she never complained about my uncircumcised penis and now it’s such a big deal to her. It’s giving me anxiety about our future and I don’t even know what to do. We’ve had so many discussions about it and it always ends the same way.

TL; DR My fiancée wants me to get circumcised before our wedding later this year. I said I won’t but she keeps bringing it up and trying to make me feel guilty. Is there any way we can solve this problem?

TOP COMMENTS

AmensFuror

This relationship sounds hellish. I can’t imagine wanting to stay with someone who makes such demands, and who cries during sex in an attempt to influence me. What are you doing?

OOP

I’ll be honest, I don’t know

AMarmaladeSandwich

If you don’t know, there’s no way you should be marrying her.

She’s showing you who she is, I think you should believe her.

~

Leohond15

WOW. This girl sounds absolutely awful. It’s bad enough to try and pressure your partner to change their appearance in small ways, but she’s trying to force you to get an unnecessary procedure on your dick. And harping on it! Her tears were 100% manipulation. You need to tell her that you are absolutely not altering your body for her ridiculous preference, and i it bothers her that much you will leave (and you should). This is a woman that doesn’t respect your bodily autonomy, and therefore doesn’t respect you as a person. I honestly don’t think this relationship will last, and if you stay with her or god forbid go through with this, you’re setting yourself (and potential future children) up for a lifetime of emotional abuse and being controlled.

I have to add too that I find it pretty strange she’s been presumably fucking you for quite some time now and is just insisting you get circumcised now that you’re about to be married.

OOP

That’s what I don’t understand. When we first had sex she didn’t even comment on it. This came out of nowhere and I don’t understand why she didn’t bring it up earlier.

Leohond15

Did you ask her why she suddenly feels this way? I mean, I don’t think the answer will change what I think about her or that this won’t last. But I’m genuinely curious.

OOP

I asked her but she won’t give me a reason. She just says that it’s her preference and that discussed it with her friend

Update Feb 18, 2020 (1 week later)

I don’t know where to start but I’d like to thank everyone on here first. I have received countless PMs, all pretty much saying the same thing. Yet I still wanted to work out things and marry her.

Then a few days after my post we had a huge fight. She threatened me. I won’t give too many details but it was more than enough to give me a wake up call. And that’s when I finally realized that this relationship isn’t healthy or normal. I had those thoughts before but her action that day confirmed it.

Right now I’m in the process of completely removing her from my life. That incident had a significant impact on my mental health and at this point I just need a long break. I have spoken to her parents in private and they’re almost begging me to rethink the whole situation. I won’t.

I still love her but couldn’t do this anymore.

It’s a shock to the system - I went from planning my future with her to now actively cutting off everything that connects us.

I read through all comments again after the incident and they put things into perspective. Thank you again for all the advice and PMs.

TL;DR We are no longer together.

Edit: Post got locked I guess. Thanks for all the kind PMs. (But…please stop asking me to rate the sex out of 10)

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