On one side I enjoy solitude, walking alone, drawing, fishing and cooking. Most people bore me because I find them dull and superficial. I specially hate the talkative, needy ones who wont shut up and believe I care what they think. I dislike big groups of drunks or people that need to yell and listen to loud music to feel good.

On the other hand, I’ll die one day, possibly alone, because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for a girlfriend, marriage or raising children, nor to go to a club or a similar social occasion where people find other humans and maybe a partner.

Suddenly, dying alone with no children feels depressing: Everything I save and don’t spend will be appropriated or sold, everything I learn, a whole life of experiences, will simply be forgotten, I know I won’t feel anything when I die, or after, and I shouldn’t care about it, but I still feel sad I’m going to die without nobody but the debt collectors noticing my death. Suggesting I marry out of desperation so I don’t die alone would be a terrible idea. So don’t. I’m too set on my ways and wouldn’t be fair to any child.

I like some human contact but feel the world offers me either loud, drunk jerks, immature idiots or the complete solitude I have now, a solitude I mostly enjoy but sometimes makes me feel alone.

  • cRazi_man@europe.pub
    12·
    14 hours ago

    You’re not strange, but people like you have low visibility and are hard to find. Party animals are obviously easy to find because you’ll find them at loud and obnoxious parties.

    Here’s what I can see:

    1. Sounds like you need to figure yourself out first. Do you want company (friends? Relationship?). I think legacy is overrated, but if that’s what you want then you’ll have to figure out what that looks like for you.

    2. Figure out how to get what you want. If you’re looking for company that isn’t loud and is more thoughtful and introspective then you’ll have to think of where these people hang out. What activity would you find most tolerable?

    3. Wherever you go, you’re always going to have to tolerate plenty of people you don’t like and don’t click with. You’re going to have to learn how to best put up with people till you find your people.