On one side I enjoy solitude, walking alone, drawing, fishing and cooking. Most people bore me because I find them dull and superficial. I specially hate the talkative, needy ones who wont shut up and believe I care what they think. I dislike big groups of drunks or people that need to yell and listen to loud music to feel good.
On the other hand, I’ll die one day, possibly alone, because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for a girlfriend, marriage or raising children, nor to go to a club or a similar social occasion where people find other humans and maybe a partner.
Suddenly, dying alone with no children feels depressing: Everything I save and don’t spend will be appropriated or sold, everything I learn, a whole life of experiences, will simply be forgotten, I know I won’t feel anything when I die, or after, and I shouldn’t care about it, but I still feel sad I’m going to die without nobody but the debt collectors noticing my death. Suggesting I marry out of desperation so I don’t die alone would be a terrible idea. So don’t. I’m too set on my ways and wouldn’t be fair to any child.
I like some human contact but feel the world offers me either loud, drunk jerks, immature idiots or the complete solitude I have now, a solitude I mostly enjoy but sometimes makes me feel alone.
You’re not that strange. It’s natural to want to share your material possessions, your knowledge and your experiences. But know, that there are different options for that than only the traditional patriarchal family: friends, comrades, roommates, neighbours. You could join a political org, volunteer at a local action like a shelter, a library, a museum, a community theater, a community kitchen. Join anything that you have any appreciation for and be ready to not just share your wisdom, but learn from others too. There are people out there who aren’t drunk jerks and even if they have some bad takes, they probably have some wisdom to teach you, if you listen closely.