Lately I’ve been thinking about death: it happens to all of us, it’s something normal, it will happen to me, I could even die tomorrow. Even if I don’t want it, I will die, like everyone else. I’m not exceptional just for being me. No matter how many gods I invent, no matter how many opportunistic preachers I pay because they promise to save me.
I’m just a monkey among 8 billion monkeys, I’m insignificant. Nothing wrong with that. It is what it is.
My life so far: take the path of least resistance. I have a job I don’t like much but I do it good enough so I don’t get fired, I enjoy cooking, fishing, poetry and drawing, hobbies that are cheap. I don’t need to keep up with the joneses.
There seems to be a perception that somebody like me is a loser, lazy, somebody who fails to live up to his potential, maybe I should try to do something exceptional with my finite time on earth, leave a legacy…
But that doesn’t appeal to me. After I die I won’t feel nothing, nor will I care about a legacy, so what’s the point?
Did realizing your time on earth is finite change how you see life?
Feel free to point out if this is me being depressed or if I need to snap out of my misanthropy, as somebody put it. I don’t consider myself depressed but after seeing and reading what humans do to other humans I don’t trust the better angels of our nature can make the world a better place.
Yeah its pretty much manifesting in me as a deep dark depression and apathy of everything.
None of it matters except for the fleeting few moments that you and others around you are alive to be experiencing it. The equivalent of a blink of an eye in time and space terms.
Doesn’t matter if you loved your wife or cheated on her, doesn’t matter if you took your career seriously or embezzled money from them, doesn’t even really matter if you hit a mini van full of kids, in a way.
Obviously I’m not a sick fuck I love people and children and I wouldn’t ever hurt them or condone that but I’m saying in terms of millions of years of times it doesn’t actually matter what we do. Even if they grew into old age what comes after that?
Of course them living their lives to the fullest is important I’m just saying that in the same way a troop of monkeys from 50 thousand years ago took out another troop and wiped them out. Doesn’t actually matter anymore does it?
Its a losing game and the score doesn’t really matter. Our existence doesnt really matter. Just focus on stuff you like and have to do and stay out of a prison cell so what few moments you do get aren’t spent locked up like an animal.
Some people have the concept of god to comfort them and I sure wish I could lie to myself to believe that but the logical part of my mind won’t ever accept it.