You have no idea the relative luxury you’re currently complaining about. Try a solid stainless steel prison toilet. They’re torturously cold to sit on in the winter, and also shorter with a higher water level.

If you don’t grab ahold of Mr. Winky before sitting down he’s going to be bobbing in the water you’re shitting into. Make sure you grab from the base of the balls, or they’re just going to plié down into that icy water too.