I’ve done alot of mischievous and unkind things throughout my education time (k-12) I made fun of people, bullied people, stole from people/stores, hit people, kicked people, did things to annoy people, and just overall did stupid shit to cause problems all because it either felt cool or because I thought it was funny. Some of these were things I did because my friends did them, but some were just me being stupid on my own. I am now 21 and recently I have thought about all of this and feel awful about the things I’ve done because I know it has affected people. I wish I could go back and have never done any of it. Is something wrong with me? Am I a bad person?
For what it’s worth, I would have appreciated as a victim if my bullies seeked me out and truly apologized to me. It would’ve restored a little faith in humanity. I don’t care now anymore, but there was a time.
Of course, any feeling that the apology was fake or forced would have ruined the whole thing and had the opposite effect.
I’ve had it happen to me twice surprisingly enough.
The first one was genuinely sorry and apologized to the point it was almost annoying. He actually had tears in his eyes welling up, which shocked me, as he was 6’6" (203cm) and probably 300 pounds with very little body fat, full beard, just a terrifying looking massive man. Hargid from Harry Potter. I learned later that he regularly volunteered at a local food pantry among other things and really seemed to have turned around since high school.
The other one was a guy who was friends with the first one, back in high school. He didn’t know the other guy had apologized and turned his life around. He gave a half assed apology but was only there as a friend of one of my friends and didn’t know who i was at first, not until i mentioned where i went to school casually. i could tell he didn’t really care. later that week he waited outside my apartment for me to leave for work, broke in, stole a guitar and an amp, then pawned them for heroin money. i only learned who it was that broke in after my friend who brought the guy, found out and apologized for bringing him over.
It’s a weird world sometimes. never know how people will turn out.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing. How did those encounters affect you?
The first one gave me some hope in humanity. The second one took some away. I think I’m more cautious now with people but at the same time I try to be forgiving more, just in case. I don’t like to brag about my good deeds I’ve done, since I believe some people see that as a form of weakness and will target people who appear nice. Sometimes it can be hard to be uncaring however. Overall I’d say they didn’t change much about me, they were simply a form of building experience.