It’s alright. Any kind of suggestions are welcomed. A sailor and a passenger each have a different experience and story to tell about the same journey.

I myself cannot deny the fact that almost 70% of my cognitive ability has been embedded around this rectangular devil’s box. Unironically I can say, the day I got separated from my laptop and got introduced to this phone, I fell into almost all kinds of downhill there exist.

Even though I started using it thinking that it’ll be a good use, but no. Screentime, activities, and overall device addiction say otherwise.

I’ve started analog journaling from June, I don’t know how it helped but it didn’t help me to get rid of the excessive use of phone. It has become a penicillin for my depressed mind.

I don’t even have the drive to seek and execute my creativity. Resulting in me not knowing what my hobbies are. I don’t particularly enjoy anything, nor that I hate anything either. I just exist. No drive, no thrill, no excitement.

And, I can’t address someone as a “friend” in real life. I call them as “classmate” or “senior brother/peer” etc.

Mostly I am to blame. I can’t( or never learnt to ) socialize/communicate with people. None of my classmate brothered to actually look into the kind of person I am. They just assume that I’m like that. And I don’t feel like correcting them or letting them know how I am.

Also, they don’t respect other’s choices and niche in entertainment. They just joke it around. So even this one single path to start a conversation with them had been closed way before.

I’m kind of an outdated person when it comes to enjoy entertainment. I like books, audiobooks, historical plays, etc. The only digital era type of entertainment I like is nerdcore, Tame Impala and slipknot music.

Anyway, enough reminiscing ! I felt good reading your comment that you explained from your personal situational perspective rather than a technical one. I’ve already decided what to do from reading all the comments. You sharing your situational similarities gave me courage and motivation. Getting comforted and acknowledged by the people who used to be in the same tier as me feels like home.

Yes. I’m trying to build such a life that when I turn 50, I can still be cognitively active, I can feel proud with all the knowledge, achievement and skills I’ll have built over the years and that I can thank God for being with me in my journey.

Thank you for introducing me with the new perspective; short term stability and long term goals.

As I’ve already scrapped some insights from all the comments, I found out that, there are many options to choose to financially support myself outside of my soecific niche while I can concentrate on my study at the same time.

Some commenters said that, when they were in a situation similar like me, they talked to an expert in the field and started doing something.

I’ve decided that I’ll do the same.

Saw a news report last week saying that how an AI data center or whatever in the USA is emitting so much heat which is invisible to the naked eye but visible to heat-detection camera.

Some argue that our planet has too much broader capabilities to methodize itself to reduce every kinds of pollution created by us and keeping the pollution under a certain limit.

But I myself don’t like the Hippocracy of the billionaire CEOs who act as an environmentalist in front of the camera and then create all sorts of pollution and environmental imbalances through their industry and data centers.

Well, that’s the thing. I’m stuck between the choices that I can’t change anymore and the unalignable options I have at my hand.

I get that as I upcoming year in Physics, the study will get complex and it’ll come with individual-responsibility to make one’s way through the result. And the result afterwards will determine how big of a field I get assigned to.

That’s why, I was thinking, to try my best concentrating on the level of math required to pass specific year, and, if the math align with the required section to do coding, maybe I can opt into coding too.

In one of my reply to someone from a few hours ago, you can see why I didn’t end up in a business major.

Reading everyone’s comment on this post so far, I concluded that, doing well in my major is in my hands and there are various sorts of ways that I can financially support myself with beside studying my major. I just have to meet expert, experienced and knowledgable people and get advices from them.

I thought it was still possible… 🙆‍♂️

Yes. That is the logical conclusion. I am in fact, not comfortable with math. But I already have come past the limit to opt out of Physics.

Before even thinking to write this post, I myself thought that, since I can’t opt out of Physics anymore, I might as well try my best concentrating to learn math to that specific level which is required to complete the Physics degree along with a PhD additionally. PhD being an extra achievement to enable myself to apply for larger science fields.

Then I thought, how much “extra” math is needed to know to actually make a name in coding world? How much would I have to train my mind, how much would I have to compete with myself, can I really rival a born-genius…

Eventually I’ll have to learn math to do well in Physics. I’m just interested to know about the broader need and application where math will exist as my knowledge foundation.

Fr. I want to go back to 2019 and slap some sense into that version of me on the face.

Noted. I’ve seen another 2 commenters’ steer towards business and economy. I do have a knack for economy myself. But I didn’t pursue that line of study. In my country, students have to choose 3 branches of study line, after completing a specific class. Science( this includes all the possible subjects related to Science; Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Biochemistry etc), Commerce( Everything about Economy and finance) and Humanity( Everything about History, facts, philosophy etc).

I’m in such stage of my life where I’m kinda regretting choosing Science. Not that I cannot continue the subject I’m in now, but, I get the gut feeling that, I could do so much more being in finance than being in Science.

Also there is an added hard-built societal perception onto my psychology by my parents and Society. I was determined to study in Science branch by my parents and Society.

I remember having interests over so many different things and subject as a child, but, as I was forcefully being molded into a scientific genius, I forgot which things I had interests on.

I kept blaming myself for not being able to concentrate on my study, I even forgot that I could just explore different interest myself.

And now that I’ve gained a bit clarity over my mind, I’m still psychologically bounded by the societal perception and capitalistic vision.

Blaming myself, I tucked myself inwards so tightly that I can’t make up the courage to consult to someone in real life who is an expert in these career choices.

But I will approach someone soon. The main purpose of this post of mine is to receive all kinds of different opinions and perspectives to let my constrainted mind see the bigger picture and eventually hopping out of my own negative perception and be direct, clear and knowledgeable about my will and vision.

The world is everchanging. If I decide something to be my one and only career now, there will still be way more choices for me to persue. Life is everchanging, choices are too.

No matter what I choose, I’ll have to first accept it myself and work on it. As I will get better at it, I’ll eventually get introduced to other choices that will meet the educational criteria and I’ll be enough intellectual by that point to either shift my work or stay in the same work. This is what I understood from all the comments so far. And thank you personally for enabling me to think this way.

Thank you. Reading your comment, I picked the tone as like you’re telling me to consider what my mind wants and finds interesting rather than what options I have in my hand.

I thought like that for myself before. But, I’ve found nothing on what I feel a passion about. Well, maybe except for my imaginative mind.

I feel like I want to materialize my imagination. Either by writing stories, making indie films or audiobooks.

Sometimes, I wonder that is this compressed thoughts and imagination is what keeping my mind from learning complex things.

Anyway, to stable my focus on something I’m passionate about, I have yet to explore them. Hobbies or something like that. I hear other people saying that they do this and that as their hobby. I wondered why I don’t have one. Or maybe I’m too drowned into my own thoughts that I never really took action to explore any hobby.

Though, as a subject, I like Psychology. But I cannot opt out of Physics right now. I’ll search if Psychology is available as a secondary line of course or in Masters.

On top of that, most people won’t even end up working in their field of study.

You can already guess the idea that I don’t particularly like Physics either. I ended up with it because of my bad result. And the reason for bad result is that, I was disinterested in mathematics prior to the exam, overall low grades summed me up in this major.

Even with full attention, full seriousness, I found myself difficult to study mathematics attentively.

I can’t specifically point back to the point from where I started disliking mathematics, I only reached to the conclusion that, this problem is rooted in my psychology. I found that my brain is slow while processing mathematics and its logic. At least slower than the average.

Since I cannot opt out of my major, I’ll have to eventually train my mind to mindfully learn mathematics.

I’ve decided that I’ll give myself a bit more time to reach to a final decision.

I forgot to mention this part. Thank you for reminding.

Physics degree does have multiple career options. But only after completing the degree along with Masters’. Monthly wage increases if my certificate has more milestones reached by me. Meaning, If I do PhD after Masters, I’ll have a better overall condition than just earning just-above-average wage.

What I’m seeking now is totally different from that. To support my financial expenses myself and building a strong foundation alongside.

If I choose coding, eventually I’ll have to learn mathematics, and this will make me somewhat better at physics than I am now.

If I choose writing, I’ll need to study history, mathematics, chemistry and a bit of everything to be like a polymath of some sort. If my book hits the market, then I won’t have to worry about my financial expenses until my physics degree get me in a stable career.

And if I choose Digital arts, let’s just say, I didn’t practice drawing ever in my life. And I cannot foresee where I’ll be if I choose Digital arts. To me, it feels like a money-on-demand service. Like, I can set a commission and do paid arts and that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.

And the thing about courses. Where I live, there’s a system where in every major district( states as USA terms ) has a government funded institution where they offer to intake any kinds of course for those who completed a specific academic limit. So, someone completing high-school can get admitted into a course to get a certificate after it ends. That certificate is sufficient enough to apply for a less-than-average waged non-government job. Also it can get an individual to be favoured more when applying for a respective government job after completing education in that respective degree( in my case, Physics ).

What I’m seeking is building a strong foundation alongside just doing my major. Mathematics, digital arts or writing. I can invest the entire year of 2027 if I can fix my focus on one single goal.

I enjoy writing; Don’t actually know why I hate math( I assumed it has to do something about my childhood trauma ); And I don’t know the world of digital arts, maybe because I haven’t been exposed to someone or some platform that entirely based on it, or I just know close to nothing about it.