there isn’t a life outside of work habits and hobbies.

those are what life is. unless you are talking about how you are missing some deeper meaning in your life? that usually comes from relationships or religion.

ok, good luck living in your magical land food magically appears out of the ether!

And there are millions of immigrants working in farm labor under much worse conditions for musch worse pay, do you feel worse for them?

From their POV the shitty factor job would be a huge upgrade.

And for those factory works, being an Amazon picker would be a huge upgrade.

Your issue is that labor exists, it sounds like.

Nothing is more privileged than expecting other people to improve your life for you. That’s actually the philosophy of most wealthy people, that everyone else should do shit for them, while they sit around and jerk themselves off about how great they are.

The irony of this whole discourse is that basically you think everyone should have the privileges of the wealthy, but you also think the wealthy shouldn’t have the privileges they do. And you don’t see the contradiction.

I wasn’t wealthy. I worked my ass off. I’ve also seen people with way more money than me piss their lives away. Most of the most bitter losers I have ever known had trust funds.

What you don’t understand is that the difference isn’t money, or privilege. It’s attitude. You want to shit on some hardworking aspring immigrant kid as a privileged twat for achieving their goals, and stupidly assume that the drugged party person somehow should have the same success in life, because nobody is responsible for themselves.

Or maybe worse, you see people who worked their way out of the working-class drudgery into a secure middle-class or upper-class existence as ‘traitors’. Yeah, my entire family and friend thought I was a traitor too when I was growing up, because I wanted something better than living in a rural backwater place.

Yeah it makes it difficult. I used to smoke and honestly it was much easier to meet people that way. Also binge drinking. Everyone is your friend when you have had 12 drinks in a single night.

It’s much easier to socialize when you engage in negative behaviors.

This is my problem with meeting people, only I don’t like to drink (or smoke for that matter). The smell drives me insane so I don’t even like being around people who do it unless I’m getting paid for it.

Yeah, you do. If you want to be part of the group. Otherwise you are ‘weird’ and they don’t like you.

That’s why I left. I was sick of being told I was ‘weird’ for not being a low grade alcoholic. Or the ‘you are no fun’ ‘why are you so uptight’ etc.

You act like all people are reasonable and respectful and wonderful. They often aren’t. A lot of people cannot respect someone who doesn’t drink, or who doesn’t get drunk. I drink, but I don’t get drunk. People who like to get drunk don’t like people who like being sober, because they are different than them and they see that as a threat.

It doesn’t even have to be about alcohol. Another reason I hated these groups is the gossip and drama. I don’t like talking shit about other people behind their back, and that is happened almost every time after a game or practice. Other people think that is fun and it’s the point of socializing for them to gossip and cause drama.

And lots of people don’t choose to do that. They choose to sit around and be miserable and blame other people for their failures and their lack of effort. Sorry, I don’t regard it as empathy to sit around feeling bad for people who messed up their own lives by making bad choices and then refusing to correct them. Everyone makes mistakes, but you can define yourself by them, or learn from them and make an effort.

I think you are missing my point entirely. I am condemning people who don’t make any effort, or who give up. I have nothing against people who say, never leave their home town because they love it. What I am attaching is people who never leave their hometown and are consumed by bitterness towards others because they are so unhappy there and then complain they ‘had no choice’. They always had a choice, they just refuse to make it because they are afraid of failure, and/or they refused to take responsibility for themselves and their bad choices.

What you seem to think is that these people had any agency. People have agency. They just refuse to acknowledge it, and their agency is to sit around being unhappy and day-dreaming rather than making changes to their lives. Nobody forced my friends from my hometown to do drugs, to get in trouble with the police, etc. But if you listen to them… it was never their fault. They HAD to do drugs, the police were MEAN to them for arresting them for drunk driving… that person they crashed into while drunk was an ASSHOLE. And if you don’t agree with them then you are a JERK. Oh and by the way can they borrow some money? They will totally pay you back! (If you ever ask for the money back you are SELFISH ASSHOLE).

Lemmy is full of losers who just think life should hand them things, and in their own heads they are successful geniuses who deserve to be billionaires… No idea why you want to have empathy for such shitty people who think that way.

yeah but not everyone likes sports or the cultures around them.

when i was younger i did some frisbee but i wasn’t down with the alcoholism associated with it. i liked drinking, but i didn’t want to go out to a bar and get shitfaced after every event.

I was not gifted with anything dude. I made choices. I didn’t party, I studied. I didn’t do drugs, I did clubs to pad my resume. I ignored all the shitty advice and pressure from my family and friends to be a losers like they were. I endured physical and verbal abuse for years because of my choices. But I never gave up. After college I focused on paying down by debts, getting into graduate school and working. I didn’t spend years screwing around trying to ‘find myself’ buy going into massive debt traveling and partying, like so many of my peers did.

No, I knew lots of people who are miserable assholes who blame everyone else for their shitty choices. Just like my parents did, just like their parents did. Nobody forced them to drive drunk, to work shitty jobs, to fail out of school. They chose that. Once I got out of school I never went back to that shitty town and my parents died anyways so I never had to.

Everyone is smart and capable. Everyone has opportunities. Some people decide to piss them away and mock and deride people who made better choices. Nobody is dumb or flaky, they are just lazy and unwilling to put in the work. Sounds like you are talking about yourself? Blaming your ‘bad luck’ and using that as an excuse to never improve your life?

The thing you are missing is that rich people get bailed out of their shitty choices. They aren’t lucky, they are just rich. They can fuck up school, go into massive debt, and they get bailed out by their parents. Poor people don’t get bailed out, so you have to be on the straight and narrow. I know lots of people like me, often they were immigrant kids who did the same thing because they also knew their only way out was working their asses off and they had no luxury to party or be lazy or relax. If you are poor and you choose to make bad choices, nobody is going to save you. Life isn’t fair, but the only person who is in charge of your life is yourself.

Go achieve your desires. Nobody is stopping you but yourself. if you want to sit around and whine about how ADHD ruined your life… then that is going to be your life… forever. Just sitting around whining and blaming and being bitter and jealous other people made better choices than you did.

No, you simple be alone and be happy pursuing your life rather than trying being with someone who looks down on you for not caring about Gucci bags and doing having a happy and socially positive life that isn’t about crass materialism.

wipe it and donate it to someone who needs it.

Then they have to move. They have to learn to read. They have to change their circumstances. Nobody is going to change it for them.

I grew up in a small crappy town. I decided from a young age I would leave my community. It sucked. I hated my life there. It was a great motivation to get out, succeed, and never come back. I watched several of my friends make difference choices and move home even if they left and never leave and repeat the same miserable lives their parents lead.

It’s a choice. You can make excuses for yourself your entire life, or you can make choices to change your life.

I felt trapped too when I was in that town. But I knew nobody was ever going to save me. but I could save myself, so that’s what I did. And yes, i got punished by parents, my friends, by my former teachers, for being ‘arrogant’ and ‘a douchebag’ for wanting to improve my life and not settle for their miserable existences.

who is stopping you from going to the store and buying cookies and juice boxes?

Yeah, that’s exactly where I met them. They go to both.

Yep. my city is like this. it is very dense and urban… but incredibly insular.

the only way to really connect with people is if they don’t have a tight knit friend group. the only friendships I’ve made that have lasted are with people like that… the people who have the knit groups fro years ago just don’t want to bother with anyone new or outside the group. i don’t understand it at all, like people will only socialize with people they went to college with… 5, 10, 20 years later and if you didn’t go to their college they don’t want to be your friend because you can’t sit around and reminisces about getting drunk together 10 years ago.

in my city people are very insular about school, career, company etc. It’s hard to find people who don’t care about that stuff and are more interested in you here and now. Not what you did in the past.

every art person i ever dated was a rich douchebag that hated people for not being rich and spent most of our dates whining about how they weren’t rich enough.

it’s a good way to meet new people. i do many of those things. none of them are good for meeting young single women.

where i live young single women are entirely focused on hanging out in bars, restaurants, and traveling. They don’t do hobbies or volunteering. the women who do that stuff are usually older or married or lesbian.

yeah it is. nobody is forcing you to work a crappy job you don’t like, other than yourself.

lots of people choose that life, and pretend like they don’t have any other choice. and settle into a life of bitterness and anger and usually a toxic coping mechanism that deprives them of what little disposable income they do have. like alcohol, gambling, or similar.

if you want to improve your life you have to give up the coping mechanisms, save your money, and invest in yourself. but that is hard and most would rather daydream about a big magic pile of money falling from the sky.

the commenter is saying to get on dating apps to make friends.

as an adult you can choose a job where you don’t have to do that. I have one boss and he’s competent.