I would recommend installing k3s and cnpg on the VPS. These will make it easier to run the various containers and databases you will need to run lemmy, etc. This is the standard way that big companies run servers in 2025, and it’s 100% portable to any server/hosting company just through copying and pasting the yaml files (like docker compose).
https://docs.k3s.io/quick-start
https://cloudnative-pg.io/documentation/1.25/quickstart/
Make sure you save backups of your VPS, and use object storage to backup your databases.
I have example kubernetes configuration for lemmy on my Git. It doesn’t use any volumes/local-storage, all user data is saved into either the database or object storage, to make it cheap and easy to backup.
I’m a professional DevOps engineer, so I work with hosting every day. Let me know if you have any questions or want advice.
Of the services OP is asking about, I’ve only run Lemmy, but I will say that running fediverse services are quite advanced, which is exactly what k8s is made for - Running advanced web applications.
I’m firmly on the “k8s at any scale” team. If you can figure out how to run the k3s install command and are willing to look at some yaml documentation, you will have a much easier time setting up database and networking, running backups, porting your infrastructure to other providers, and maintaining everything, than with legacy control panels or docker compose. The main reason why Docker Compose is so much more accessible for self-hosters is because of the quantity of noob-focused documentation for Docker Compose, But learning either system requires learning the same concepts of containers, IP adresses, storage, etc. Docker Compose also has some disk and networking shortcuts for single-server workloads, but they also have their downsides (what is a macvlan?).
The main reason why I think Kubernetes is critical for this specific workload is the number of production-critical databases that OP will need to run. OP will be running something like 4-8 postgres databases, with high uptime and 100% durability requirements. Trying to do that manually with Docker compose just isn’t feasible unless you’re willing to code. Kubernetes makes all of that automated with CNPG. See how easy it is to create a database and have automated backups to S3 with Kubernetes
The biggest challenge for kubernetes is probably that the smaller applications don’t come with example configs for Kubernetes. I only see mastodon having one officially. Still, I’ve provided my config for Lemmy, and there are docker containers available for Friendica and mbin (though docker isn’t officially supported for these two). I’m happy to help give yaml examples for the installation of the applications.