Hey there, I was wondering if this is normal or if anyone can relate to this.
I 20/male was born in Germany and lived my whole life here but since I was a child I was fascinated with America, grew up consuming all the media from there and always wanted to live there.
I always had the feeling that I’m misplaced and don’t belong where I’m from. I was always searching for the place where I feel like I belong and can better relate to people but never found it.
I always have this inner conflict of not knowing where I truly belong and what’s better for me/where I will be truly happy and feel more “home”.
For example I always wanted to go to America cause I thought it was way better and more advanced than Germany especially when it comes to consumerism. I grew up eating most of my meals at McDonald’s and was in love with the American chains and brands. The bigness, space, “freedom” and variety of places, stores, cultures and nature was always appealing to me. And I also prefer the English language and the social interactions. It feels like a deep dream having a road trip in America in a pickup truck while listening to country music with others, going to a shooting range and so on.
But then I’m conflicted if the culture is maybe dominantly shaped by consumerism and wonder if that is really good and truly makes me happy/gives me what I need. I wonder if it actually has stronger hustle culture and am unsure if that might take away from the connection with people and nature and might only make my deep void inside me bigger. Maybe it’s more artificial in the US and I might find more meaning/connection grounded in German society that might focus more on embracing an organic/open/recreational life that’s more connected to people and nature and less on individualism, materialism and work. But maybe it’s the exact opposite. I don’t even know if artificiality or organicality will make me more happy.
Because in Germany I really despise the directness and people being overly specific. Maybe that is mainly only with older generations though and I might not have this with people my age.
Never having lived in the US makes it very hard for me to know what the reality would be and what place would make me happier. Maybe anyone here has experience with both countries or maybe has experience with completely different countries/situations but that relates to this topic. In the end of the day this probably is more wishful/fantasy thinking than anything and I probably never get my butt anywhere else but I thought I at least keep dreaming and speak what’s on my heart.
I would also appreciate it if you could recommend me other communities that are maybe more fitting where I can post this.
What you’re going through is pretty normal at your age (in western cultures) and manifests in a few different ways. Seeing yourself identify with another culture is one common way.
Ultimately what you’re going through is a search of, and identification of, who you are: Your identity.
You’re right at the beginning of a very interesting part of your life. You’ll try on ideas and beliefs like clothing, wearing them for awhile and just as quickly discarding them when they don’t feel right. Its a set of refining actions. You’ll swing to another extreme and then drop that one too. However, each time this happens the swings are less dramatic, and the direction you take are closer to who you decide you are. Most people spend a good chunk of their 20s doing this, and at the same time learning about the adult world, its many joys, and many frustrations.
So feel free to explore your thoughts. Decide what is right for you. Experience all kinds of things to give yourself enough material and life experience to make good judgments but don’t be afraid to make mistakes! Now is the time in your life where you’ll have the most power, but the most forgiveness. Learn, live, love, travel and experience other cultures, get your heart broken, perform a service for others, be greedy just once, and finally find your true self, your true form, but then I’ll likely be saying to you “Happy 31st birthday!”. Buckle up its a weird, wonderful, and wild ride you have in front of you for the next 10 or so years!