You’re exactly what the world needs

I would say it’s absolutely normal and quite common to feel out of place, or like you don’t belong, and what fills in the blank of what’s on the other side is mostly arbitrary.

What’s more, having grown up in many countries and hearing something like this from other young people, I would say it’s not just normal in Germany, or even the West. It’s normal everywhere.

I think the easiest way to gain a fuller perspective of cultures you’re curious about is to live among them, and while now might not be the best time to visit the US, I think you can gain exposure to lots of new global cultures just by spending time in one of the many world cities, the closest of which is Berlin. From there, many others are just a train away.

Long short, it’s normal to wonder where you fit, and it’s a question you must answer yourself, but the tried-and-true method to figuring it out is to go and find new parts of yourself in these places. You just might find that, by the end, not only can you belong anywhere you choose, but those places also belong to you.

I was born and raised in Germany and used to feel similar. I’ve been living in the US for over a decade now, and somehow I still feel that way, so I’m starting to think it’s more of a me problem.

There are definitely advantages to living here, but also many drawbacks. The sense of freedom is definitely real, people here are generally far less judgemental than in Germany, unless perhaps you’re way out in the countryside. As long as you’re not going out of your way to piss people off, they’ll generally let you be as weird as you want.

The downside is that compared to Germany, life can feel pretty chaotic and unorganized at times. A lot of things you might take for granted over there simply don’t work the same way here. People are rarely on time and might cancel plans at the last minute for spurious reasons, and instead of being direct and upfront about what’s bothering them, they’ll be vague and indirect.

Also, food and rent are far more expensive than in Germany, and the quality is often worse, unless you’re willing to spend extra money. On the plus side, taxes are lower, and if you have a marketable skill set, you can definitely earn far more than you would in Germany (but you’ll be spending most of it in order to have a comparable lifestyle).

Overall, living here requires a lot of discipline and self-reliance. No one’s gonna tell you what to do, and there are fewer guardrails in place to keep you from going off the rails. It’s a high risk, high reward society.

As someone who used to have a bad case of wanderlust for the same reasons, let me just say: the place where you belong is not a place out in the world that you find, it’s a place that you make inside of yourself from your satisfaction with your life, your connections to others, etc. What you seek can be found anywhere, but nowhere will make you happy until you do. Travel is a heck of an adventure and I have a lot of great stories from that time so I’m not saying don’t travel. Just don’t expect to find what you’re looking for wherever you go or you’ll never be satisfied with the experience in itself.

From the u.s. and I lived in Germany for a year. It was the trains and the castles and the history that had me wanting to stay. That stuff is probably boring to you. Your concerns about artificiality are valid. But I did not feel like Germany was massively different. I had more cultural shock from moving to a small town in West Virginia than Germany.

I don’t know of it’s normal but you are not alone.

I don’t fit good in my country’s culture.

That’s fairly common. Everyone wants to feel like they ‘belong.’ The trick is, it’s not a place. It’s people. There is an underlying culture in any place you find that is highly localized, even down to the neighborhood, but there are also always exceptions. You can find the sweet Berliners if you look, and the reserved, non-materialistic Americans, and the sober, minimalist Parisians. First, figure out your values. Then, find the others in your area who share those values. Unless you are living in the middle of nowhere, they’re out there.

Hey there, I was wondering if this is normal or if anyone can relate to this. I 20/male…

What you’re going through is pretty normal at your age (in western cultures) and manifests in a few different ways. Seeing yourself identify with another culture is one common way.

Ultimately what you’re going through is a search of, and identification of, who you are: Your identity.

You’re right at the beginning of a very interesting part of your life. You’ll try on ideas and beliefs like clothing, wearing them for awhile and just as quickly discarding them when they don’t feel right. Its a set of refining actions. You’ll swing to another extreme and then drop that one too. However, each time this happens the swings are less dramatic, and the direction you take are closer to who you decide you are. Most people spend a good chunk of their 20s doing this, and at the same time learning about the adult world, its many joys, and many frustrations.

So feel free to explore your thoughts. Decide what is right for you. Experience all kinds of things to give yourself enough material and life experience to make good judgments but don’t be afraid to make mistakes! Now is the time in your life where you’ll have the most power, but the most forgiveness. Learn, live, love, travel and experience other cultures, get your heart broken, perform a service for others, be greedy just once, and finally find your true self, your true form, but then I’ll likely be saying to you “Happy 31st birthday!”. Buckle up its a weird, wonderful, and wild ride you have in front of you for the next 10 or so years!

Check out youth hostels / Hostelling International. Basically they’re inexpensive dorm-like hotels mostly targetted at younger backpackers. The ones in LA and Boston are in great locations. About 12% of Americans are of German descent (cite) so ask around, you or a family friend probably have a distant relative who immigrated here at some point.

So: get a cheap plane ticket. Fly into a city with a youth hostel. Wander around for a while. Catch a Greyhound Bus to visit your distant relative in Iowa. Hang out with them for a while. Catch another Greyhound to another city with a youth hostel. Fly back. You will meet a lot of people in the hostels. You’ll meet a lot of people on the Greyhound. Look up stuff ahead of time, not just tourist stuff but concerts or clubs or sports events wherever you go to. Sure it costs money but it’s a hell of a lot more fun than a resort or a cruise or whatever. Wait, isn’t “wanderjahr” a German word? Anyway after you spend a month or two here you’ll know whether you still like us or not.

• https://www.hiusa.org/
• https://hihostels.com/
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostelling_International
• https://www.greyhound.com/

Yes and you should embrace this. Being cosmopolitan is truly freeing!

We live in a world where you can be anywhere you want within a day and not only that but be freely adopted to new cultures. Go to Mexico, Chile, Thailand, Japan - you can really live almost everywhere these days and be somewhat accepted as you are and partake in any societal activities. Contemporary people are really accepting despite what bait social media tries to portray.

There are also a lot of cosmopolitan peoples today and you’ll find them in every country be it expats or people who simply have a mindset of belonging to the entire world rather than their national identity. It’s a rapidly growing culture so try it out!

For recommendations try Asia which is opposite of German directness. In the west it’s called “face saving culture” but more importantly Asian social interactions favor friction removal and respect for another human being over detail and accuracy which even shows in Asian languages which are much more implicit than German explicitness. Try Thailand or Vietnam - great places if you have the temperance to limit partying loops and just prioritize exploration and growth. It’s very accessible to any 20 year old European.

As for US I don’t recommend it. I’m a big fan of US still but the vibe right now is not one you want to be surrounded in. Maybe wait 10 years for that - its not going anywhere (hopefully lol).

US is a very big place with different cultures. I’ve only visited Boston, but have heard it’s not the same as Florida.

I always have this inner conflict of not knowing where I truly belong and what’s better for me/where I will be truly happy and feel more “home”.

I think you’ve spend a lot of time thinking about this, which I do too, sometimes too much :) Perhaps it’s possible to visit the US for a holiday, and find out if your expectations match experience?

Maybe you like the US because most media comes from there? If you feel you don’t belong in Germany you can try other cultures too. From there you have access to A LOT of countries just a train trip away. And at some point you could go to the US too to see what it’s really like.

Yes

You and Franz Kafka.

We’re not all that great. I mean, yes it’s a great place to do a road trip and there are some absolutely stunning aspects of nature to explore. But our culture is brain dead at this point. I love my corner of the country (SF Bay Area) but I hate that it’s connected to the states that vote against our interests because they’ve been so successfully manipulated by culture war and captured by religion.

I would have moved to New Zealand after our last election, as I’d planned to since finding out how awful so many of our citizens are during the pan years. It’s only that I unexpectedly found a partner and we started living together that I stayed. She’s a refugee because she was persecuted in her homeland for advocating democracy. As such, she couldn’t go with me to NZ. So now I try to ignore how shitty we are as a people and try to focus on the people near me. We’re going out to dinner tonight at one of my favorite restaurants. Hooray! (We have an embarrassment of riches in terms of food options in the Bay Area.)

Disclaimer: we don’t sound very similar. I would never own a truck or guns or go to a gun range and I hate country music. There’s a McDonald’s across from our building and I mock people who wait in line at the drive through on weekends because I think Burger King is far superior. What I’m saying is that I might not be the right person to advise you about the USA.

Good luck!