Could you decide that punching yourself in the face—hard—is enjoyable?
In the past, I have participated in auto mutilation, yes. At a certain point you want to feel anything.
The decision to change is always driven by discomfort with that emotional reaction, another stimulus.
You’re right! And it’s very scary, facing the thing that’s causing the discomfort.
That’s why I spend so much time trying to occupy my mind with puzzles, code, games, alcohol. Anything to distract me! Anything to direct that racing mind towards. But in the end I had to face the discomfort, walk inwards, towards it, to find where it came from.
It wasn’t my body, it wasn’t the calculating part of my mind.
In short, if we all react to the same stimulus in predictable ways, where’s the free will?
Luckily we don’t all react to the same stimulus in the same way. We can look back and learn from past mistakes.
In the past, I have participated in auto mutilation, yes. At a certain point you want to feel anything.
You’re right! And it’s very scary, facing the thing that’s causing the discomfort.
That’s why I spend so much time trying to occupy my mind with puzzles, code, games, alcohol. Anything to distract me! Anything to direct that racing mind towards. But in the end I had to face the discomfort, walk inwards, towards it, to find where it came from.
It wasn’t my body, it wasn’t the calculating part of my mind.
Luckily we don’t all react to the same stimulus in the same way. We can look back and learn from past mistakes.
We can share experiences, learn from eachother.
We can look eachother in the eyes.
I’m sorry that you’ve had such troubles in the past. Learning from past mistakes isn’t an example of free will, though.