one thing i notice abotu ‘lonely’ people is they systematically refuse to change anything in their life.
and this is often from people who are not ‘lonely’ on the outside, but their many relationships are entirely performative. and they have built up their entire life as one big act.
This isn’t an attack as I don’t interpret your comment as being malicious, this is just an observation from an outside observer of this interaction.
You may be right about lonely people and just sharing info you have noted from your own experiences with them in your life but that is a brutal take down of @daggermoon@lemmy.world when they are sharing a major problem in their life.
Your comment may hold true for them but we don’t know that so it feels more like an accusation and victim blaming than being helpful.
If you don’t have someone to talk to about it have you tried a therapist or other mental health professionals? I find this is one of the most important first steps of any life issue being faced, just talk about it with someone who knows a thing or two about the topic, make it a regular and consistent conversation.
I don’t know your situation but if you need it, this helped me;
Being social and maintaining friendships is a skill that can be worked on, no one can run a marathon on their first attempt, it takes training.
Starting small and working your way up. Saying hello to a stranger in the street or making small talk with a check out clerk at the grocery store is a good place to start. If you struggle with small talk then practice that first and work up from there. If you struggle with social anxiety then breaking through can be hard, some people struggle more than others. Training these skills sets do produce positive results.
*Be kind, honest and fair with all people you interact with. This isn’t a mask to put on, the ideal to strive for is to be those things as a person.
*Talk to people about what they are interested in or doing (learn about them) instead of focusing on talking about yourself.
*Respect others boundaries.
*Regularly check in with those in your social circle/community, don’t wait for them to check in on you.
*Get outside. Don’t just spend time at school/work & home. Find a third place where you can blend in but also be a regular. Cafe, bar, pool hall, library, gym, reading in the park, walk/hike in an area you like… whatever aligns with your interests and feel you could eventually become comfortable existing in that space but it is also a place where you are not required to be social. Eventually becoming comfortable with being in that space lowers anxiety of being there and you start to recognize the regulars and they start to recognize you. That makes socializing easier since you are now comfortable in the space and familiar to others who are regulars as well.
You get back what you give out. Do not expect to connect with everyone and not everyone will reciprocate your attention or interest but if you do it enough you will find those who do. Keep at it and you will find more and more.
This is an extremely reductive take based on anecdote.
There are a lot of reasons people can feel lonely. Hell you can even feel lonely when you have deep meaningful relationships. Sometimes it’s a result of anxiety or depression, or an abusive relationship.
Of course some people fall into the category you speak of too.
billionares also feel like they are poor and struggling and only that next 10 billion will make them successful.
that doesn’t mean it’s true. it means they are mentally ill.
reality exists outside of our feelings.
and this is often from people who are not ‘lonely’ on the outside, but their many relationships are entirely performative. and they have built up their entire life as one big act.
but their many relationships are entirely performative. and they have built up their entire life as one big act.
Is precisely the part i disagree with if you’re going to generalize the way you did in your first reply. Hence talking about the experience even with honest meaningful deep non-performative relationships.
it means they are mentally ill.
Psychological health indeed impacts it, hence why i brought up depression and anxiety to name just two of many conditions that could contribute.
The wealth disease, on the other hand, is probably generalizable in the way you’re suggesting. I couldn’t really care it someone is sad about being ultra-wealthy. Maybe they should give it up and be a depressed laborer like the rest of us.
Do you do anything to change that?
one thing i notice abotu ‘lonely’ people is they systematically refuse to change anything in their life.
and this is often from people who are not ‘lonely’ on the outside, but their many relationships are entirely performative. and they have built up their entire life as one big act.
This isn’t an attack as I don’t interpret your comment as being malicious, this is just an observation from an outside observer of this interaction.
You may be right about lonely people and just sharing info you have noted from your own experiences with them in your life but that is a brutal take down of @daggermoon@lemmy.world when they are sharing a major problem in their life.
Your comment may hold true for them but we don’t know that so it feels more like an accusation and victim blaming than being helpful.
Hey @daggermoon@lemmy.world, I’ve been there. It can be rough.
If you don’t have someone to talk to about it have you tried a therapist or other mental health professionals? I find this is one of the most important first steps of any life issue being faced, just talk about it with someone who knows a thing or two about the topic, make it a regular and consistent conversation.
I don’t know your situation but if you need it, this helped me;
Being social and maintaining friendships is a skill that can be worked on, no one can run a marathon on their first attempt, it takes training.
Starting small and working your way up. Saying hello to a stranger in the street or making small talk with a check out clerk at the grocery store is a good place to start. If you struggle with small talk then practice that first and work up from there. If you struggle with social anxiety then breaking through can be hard, some people struggle more than others. Training these skills sets do produce positive results.
*Be kind, honest and fair with all people you interact with. This isn’t a mask to put on, the ideal to strive for is to be those things as a person.
*Talk to people about what they are interested in or doing (learn about them) instead of focusing on talking about yourself.
*Respect others boundaries.
*Regularly check in with those in your social circle/community, don’t wait for them to check in on you.
*Get outside. Don’t just spend time at school/work & home. Find a third place where you can blend in but also be a regular. Cafe, bar, pool hall, library, gym, reading in the park, walk/hike in an area you like… whatever aligns with your interests and feel you could eventually become comfortable existing in that space but it is also a place where you are not required to be social. Eventually becoming comfortable with being in that space lowers anxiety of being there and you start to recognize the regulars and they start to recognize you. That makes socializing easier since you are now comfortable in the space and familiar to others who are regulars as well.
You get back what you give out. Do not expect to connect with everyone and not everyone will reciprocate your attention or interest but if you do it enough you will find those who do. Keep at it and you will find more and more.
Good luck and god speed!
This is an extremely reductive take based on anecdote.
There are a lot of reasons people can feel lonely. Hell you can even feel lonely when you have deep meaningful relationships. Sometimes it’s a result of anxiety or depression, or an abusive relationship.
Of course some people fall into the category you speak of too.
billionares also feel like they are poor and struggling and only that next 10 billion will make them successful.
that doesn’t mean it’s true. it means they are mentally ill.
reality exists outside of our feelings.
Is precisely the part i disagree with if you’re going to generalize the way you did in your first reply. Hence talking about the experience even with honest meaningful deep non-performative relationships.
Psychological health indeed impacts it, hence why i brought up depression and anxiety to name just two of many conditions that could contribute.
The wealth disease, on the other hand, is probably generalizable in the way you’re suggesting. I couldn’t really care it someone is sad about being ultra-wealthy. Maybe they should give it up and be a depressed laborer like the rest of us.