N.B. This is a serious topic. Please stop spreading propaganda about acetaminophen being addictive or causing autism. Please read the study. The point of the study is not about acetaminophen. It is about social pain can hurt as much as physiological pain. Only people with trait of high level of forgiveness responded to acetaminophen. Acetaminophen will not work for you if you not a kind. forgiving person. No need to worry about acetaminophen if you have a weak trait. Kindness can be learned by not trolling
Social pain (psychache), such as ostracisation/rejection/bullying, can hurt as much as physical pain. Forgiveness and acetaminophen have interactive effects on experiences of social pain. Telling victims to just “let it go” is just like withholding pain medicines from patients recovering from surgery.
We need to tell the victims that psychological wounds are like physical wounds. They will heal but the healing processes can be long and painful. Psychological pain may come back in waves, and the scars may remain just like physical scars. If the psychological pain is unbearable, don’t hesitant to seek mental health. “It’s okay not to be okay.” Don’t be persuaded to think “it is all in the head.” Psychological wounds are as real as physical wounds. Good luck.
That’s how it feels, sure. But you can’t properly control what other people do. You can control what you do.
In situations where you’ve been fucked over, you can’t force the other person to feel guilty, try to make amends or seek your forgiveness. That would be great, but you can’t make it happen. All you can do is move on from it, which means forgiving them. If you hold a grudge, that’s mental effort, time and energy that you’re continuing to spend on them, because of the shit that they did. If you can forgive them, not only does it make you a better person, it also removes the control they have over you. It’s not exactly satisfying, but ask yourself what would be. The past isn’t going to change, and that asshole isn’t going to suddenly grow a conscience. Don’t let their actions ruin who you are by getting consumed with bitter feelings!
I know this is kind of general, and some things are a lot harder to forgive than others, but I find it’s amazing how much easier it gets as time passes. I’ve been treated horrendously over the years and I refuse to hold a grudge. I’ve shaken hands and made jokes with past abusers, which is probably the biggest “fuck you” I could give them. They know what they did; I’m still happy and functioning. They have no power over me, and I certainly will never let them close enough to do that again.
I know this is all a bit unsolicited on my part here, but I just recognised what you wrote as something I’ve felt too, and I would’ve liked someone to tell me this when I was. I’m not trying to preach.
it’s fine, i enjoy relating to people’s experiences. i don’t let this kind of stuff consume me anymore though, i treat people how they act towards me. that sometimes includes not being nice.
i draw lines on what i don’t want, and that makes me look unforgiving, but anyone can learn to be better.
in any case i appreciate your thoughtful response.