On the edge of a cliff, trying to hang on, but a voice is telling me: “放開啦，走咗就唔會咁痛苦啦“ (let go, after you leave this world, there will be less pain)
And I also have flashbacks of my mom telling me: “冇鬼用，喺呢個世界上害人害物，快快脆脆去死啦” (“useless shit, all you do on this world is harm people and wreak things, go quickly die”)
“去死啦” (go die)
“去死啦”
“去死啦”
I keep remembering that moment over and over, it’s a memory that’ve been carved into my hippocampus, forever.
I’m supposed to be doing college, but conservative culture has detroyed the very little self esteem I had. The cruelty of world has broken me, and my mother destroyed what remained of my mental wellbeing.
You’ve ended up with +30 vote ratio in my lemmy client, which is pretty impressive for a useless shit.
In fact, it’s among the highest in my record keeping, so I dare say your mom was wrong.
EDIT: I just checked. You’re not “among the highest”. You’re actually at the top. Runner up is a bot with +27. So at least you had a positive impact on some terminally online dork on the other side of the world.
So- I’ve been in a similar space. My resolution was inaction - just for long enough for the luck to change. I had used up all of my bad luck early in life like you. In the end it evened out. Give it time. Be yourself - wounds and all. Let them heal in the way that leads to peace. Let others help - that’s hard, but important.
I feel like I used up my “good luck” at the beginning. Like my story is probably the craziest of all of Lemmy, I was the 2nd child my mother had, this was in Mainland China, One Child Policy was in effect back then, like I literally wasn’t even supposed to be born. (I mean, back then, my mother wanted me, she I guess her “idea”/“imagination” of what her child would be didn’t quite fit who I actually became, not “obedient” enough)
Now I feel like I’m in some final destination shit, as if “Death” is trying to find me. To “undo” this “mistake”.
On the edge of a cliff, trying to hang on, but a voice is telling me: “放開啦，走咗就唔會咁痛苦啦“ (let go, after you leave this world, there will be less pain)
And I also have flashbacks of my mom telling me: “冇鬼用，喺呢個世界上害人害物，快快脆脆去死啦” (“useless shit, all you do on this world is harm people and wreak things, go quickly die”)
“去死啦” (go die) “去死啦”
“去死啦”
I keep remembering that moment over and over, it’s a memory that’ve been carved into my hippocampus, forever.
I’m supposed to be doing college, but conservative culture has detroyed the very little self esteem I had. The cruelty of world has broken me, and my mother destroyed what remained of my mental wellbeing.
Look,
I don’t know the specifics of your life, I don’t know what exactly happened to you.
But just enjoy your life man, just don’t focus on what you don’t have and keep enjoying.
Also, if you let go you bastard I will be waiting for you in hell to make you very uncomfortable.
Don’t do it man. Just stay happy and healthy, hopefully you remember my words instead of your mother ones and hold strong.
You’ve ended up with +30 vote ratio in my lemmy client, which is pretty impressive for a useless shit.
In fact, it’s among the highest in my record keeping, so I dare say your mom was wrong.
EDIT: I just checked. You’re not “among the highest”. You’re actually at the top. Runner up is a bot with +27. So at least you had a positive impact on some terminally online dork on the other side of the world.
I have no solutions to your sadness, but I’m sending love from my part of the world to yours. I’m sorry shit sucks 🫂 life can be really fuckin rough
So- I’ve been in a similar space. My resolution was inaction - just for long enough for the luck to change. I had used up all of my bad luck early in life like you. In the end it evened out. Give it time. Be yourself - wounds and all. Let them heal in the way that leads to peace. Let others help - that’s hard, but important.
I feel like I used up my “good luck” at the beginning. Like my story is probably the craziest of all of Lemmy, I was the 2nd child my mother had, this was in Mainland China, One Child Policy was in effect back then, like I literally wasn’t even supposed to be born. (I mean, back then, my mother wanted me, she I guess her “idea”/“imagination” of what her child would be didn’t quite fit who I actually became, not “obedient” enough)
Now I feel like I’m in some final destination shit, as if “Death” is trying to find me. To “undo” this “mistake”.