The hardest message you will ever try to get someone to digest, particularly straight cis men, is that appearances are secondary in dating and relationships.

I have been using examples of how our minds reinterpret visual appearances and how subjective our whole world is for decades, and still most guys who are overexposed to dating forums and men’s communities will absolutely rage at the idea that it’s not their physique or jawline that will make someone attracted to them, but how they make someone else feel.

And right now, people I talk to in younger generations are pretty honest when they tell me that they have no idea how to make someone feel good around them, that the very idea terrifies them, and it varies from abject rejection of the notion to responses that it feels like “manipulation” to make someone comfortable around you… so is it any wonder people are basically giving up all over the world, and new relationships and sexual encounters are basically flatlining everywhere.