I’m early 30’s and got out of a bad relationship last year, and I’ve been going on a bunch of dates the last few months to find a kind and good partner.
I average about 2 first-dates a week, but I almost always feel a lack of chemistry and spark, the dates have almost become routine and I’m tired of the same old questions
How long have you been living in Amsterdam?
How’s your family?
How’s your job?
What are your hobbies etc. ?
Bla bla bla bla.
The times I did hit it off with a girl and it lead to follow up dates and/or a fling they asked some spicy and intimate questions and that made the conversation exciting and us connect on a deeper level.
The one girl steered the conversation to drugs, sex our experiences in therapy, childhood trauma etc. and fuck that was so engaging and fun and we hit it off. Unfortunately that only ended up in a fling and I want something more serious.
I’m not sure how to recreate that, I don’t feel super comfortable steering the convo to a sexual nature and/or deeply personal things as a guy, I don’t wana seem like a creep 🤷🏼♀️ but maybe I’m overthinking it.
Anyway how I can spice up first-date conversations?
Same, I already do that, but that’s not spicy. I’d have those same conversations with a colleague at work
I would recommend sticking with that strategy and working on it. Going too “spicy” too soon is risky, and doesn’t really pay off better than finding someone who clicks with you on medium heat topics like “you saw Caroline rose play?? How was it?”
My girlfriend says that it’s often more about flow than content. A well executed conversation about a common topic will go farther than an awkward foray into “so you ever done coke?”
I specifically made this post because I’m keen to experiment with more risky topics, if it doesn’t work then I’ll adjust or go back to more tame things.
I’m fine not playing it safe, if that puts some people off, that’s fine, I’ve had dates like that in the past and they were great, so want to recreate that.
I obviously don’t want to do this “an awkward foray into “so you ever done coke?”” this whole post is about finding a way to bring up topics you wouldn’t talk about at work, but in a natural or not awkward way. Dates of mine have done this, so it’s possible, and I’d like to figure out how