I’m early 30’s and got out of a bad relationship last year, and I’ve been going on a bunch of dates the last few months to find a kind and good partner.
I average about 2 first-dates a week, but I almost always feel a lack of chemistry and spark, the dates have almost become routine and I’m tired of the same old questions
How long have you been living in Amsterdam?
How’s your family?
How’s your job?
What are your hobbies etc. ?
Bla bla bla bla.
The times I did hit it off with a girl and it lead to follow up dates and/or a fling they asked some spicy and intimate questions and that made the conversation exciting and us connect on a deeper level.
The one girl steered the conversation to drugs, sex our experiences in therapy, childhood trauma etc. and fuck that was so engaging and fun and we hit it off. Unfortunately that only ended up in a fling and I want something more serious.
I’m not sure how to recreate that, I don’t feel super comfortable steering the convo to a sexual nature and/or deeply personal things as a guy, I don’t wana seem like a creep 🤷🏼♀️ but maybe I’m overthinking it.
Anyway how I can spice up first-date conversations?
“Oversharing” has been shown to actually make people more comfortable with you. You don’t want over do it but telling an embarrassing or wild story from your past would work. Obviously, you’ll want to work it into the conversation as naturally as possible. And tell it with confidence—not bragging but not sheepishly.
I’ve found that the best way to really get to know someone is to work on a task or project with them. Escape rooms are good entertainment form of this. Doing a volunteer date would be good, too, but might be weird for a first date.