I’m early 30’s and got out of a bad relationship last year, and I’ve been going on a bunch of dates the last few months to find a kind and good partner.
I average about 2 first-dates a week, but I almost always feel a lack of chemistry and spark, the dates have almost become routine and I’m tired of the same old questions
How long have you been living in Amsterdam?
How’s your family?
How’s your job?
What are your hobbies etc. ?
Bla bla bla bla.
The times I did hit it off with a girl and it lead to follow up dates and/or a fling they asked some spicy and intimate questions and that made the conversation exciting and us connect on a deeper level.
The one girl steered the conversation to drugs, sex our experiences in therapy, childhood trauma etc. and fuck that was so engaging and fun and we hit it off. Unfortunately that only ended up in a fling and I want something more serious.
I’m not sure how to recreate that, I don’t feel super comfortable steering the convo to a sexual nature and/or deeply personal things as a guy, I don’t wana seem like a creep 🤷🏼♀️ but maybe I’m overthinking it.
Anyway how I can spice up first-date conversations?
I would start with the most boring topic, i think we undersestimate them how spicy they can be :
Joke aside, i don’t have any good advice, but i love imagining boring conversation. 🥹
I believe, it depend on the flow. Some people like bold statement, other prefer the long game. Some hate spicy, some love spicy…but what matter is listening to them and that’s the most difficult part because we don’t tell things directly. Like you do for spicy thing. That’s a mess. I like telling them wild things, i also enjoy those kind of conversation.
However, it depends on the mood and how open at the moment they are, their background, personalities. It can completly destroy the dating experience and our ego.
I think you would have highter chance in some place. For example, people on tinder or okcupid or bubble or wyld don’t have the same profil. They are quite different and the cashgrab algorithm work differently.
Same for coffee, bar, restorant, voluntering work, hobbies…we go to certain place where we fell the most comfortable. What i’m trying to say, maybe it depends on where you meet them or contact them. At least, that’s what i understood. maybe i’m wrong, dunno.
Honnestly, you should tell them directly, we have only one life, so let’s play :
“Would you be confortable if i tell you a story like that ? I love those kind of conversation.”
Or, maybe you are tied to a past experience and finding the same kind of interaction will be very hard. So you will be never sastified and later you will enjoy other side that you haven’t noticed before.