I’m early 30’s and got out of a bad relationship last year, and I’ve been going on a bunch of dates the last few months to find a kind and good partner.

I average about 2 first-dates a week, but I almost always feel a lack of chemistry and spark, the dates have almost become routine and I’m tired of the same old questions

How long have you been living in Amsterdam?
How’s your family?
How’s your job?
What are your hobbies etc. ?
Bla bla bla bla.

The times I did hit it off with a girl and it lead to follow up dates and/or a fling they asked some spicy and intimate questions and that made the conversation exciting and us connect on a deeper level.

The one girl steered the conversation to drugs, sex our experiences in therapy, childhood trauma etc. and fuck that was so engaging and fun and we hit it off. Unfortunately that only ended up in a fling and I want something more serious.

I’m not sure how to recreate that, I don’t feel super comfortable steering the convo to a sexual nature and/or deeply personal things as a guy, I don’t wana seem like a creep 🤷🏼‍♀️ but maybe I’m overthinking it.

Anyway how I can spice up first-date conversations?

  • zlatiah@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1·
    3 days ago

    I’m sorry I can’t answer this, not experienced enough with current dating culture. I am just really curious where people are even finding dates around the BeNeLux area, especially as a guy. Things are… a bit dire for me

    Good luck BTW! That’s a lot of dates, hope you can find the one soon

    • Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.socialOPEnglish
      3·
      3 days ago

      Thanks I really hope to find someone too, dating sucks 😅

      Most of my dates are from Breeze and Hinge, I put in good amount of effort the last ~8 months to get good pictures.

      And had some of my girl-friends curate my profile and pick pictures and prompts that they think girls would like to see.

      Us guys are often clueless with these things, and what I used to think are bad pictures turned out to actually work the best.

      I also don’t chit chat, once I match with someone, I have some playful banter, ~6 messages back and forth, and then I arrange to grab drinks.

      I also meet some people IRL, by having friends introduce us or organizing a get together in a park or something, but those take more effort and don’t happen as frequently.