Some days I open Instagram and it feels like everyone is winning except me.
New job. New car. New trip. Someone’s “6 months of consistency” post. Someone else casually mentioning their salary hike like it’s nothing.
And for a few minutes, I genuinely feel like I’m falling behind in some race everyone else is running faster than me.
I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s not just comparison, it’s jealousy. Real, uncomfortable jealousy. The kind you don’t want to admit out loud because it feels petty, but it’s there.
Then I remind myself of a few things.
Nobody posts their bad days. The rejection emails, the loans, the burnout, the fights, the doubt at 2am, none of that makes it to the feed. What we’re comparing ourselves to is a highlight reel, not a full life.
Everyone’s timeline is different. Someone’s “success” at 22 might be someone else’s struggle at 22, and that’s fine. Racing against a timeline that isn’t yours is a losing game by definition.
The feeling is normal, but it’s not information. Jealousy tells you something matters to you, it doesn’t tell you that you’re behind. It just means you want something. That’s worth noticing, not spiraling over.
I don’t have this fully figured out. I still catch myself comparing sometimes. But I’m trying to remind myself that a feed is not a scoreboard, and I’m not actually competing with strangers online.
If you’ve ever felt this way, how do you deal with it? Genuinely asking, not just venting.???
I mean, I think you more or less have it figured out, as you outlined in your post. Now you just need to do the work - whenever you feel the feeling of “I’m falling behind, its a disaster!” or “They have a new car and I don’t and I want it, its not fair!”, just take a moment (personally, I count 5 natural breaths as a convenient timer) to notice how the feeling actually feels. The physical sensations, the kinds of thoughts it brings up, the other emotions it brings up - be interested and curious about the feeling itself. The longer you can sit with the feeling like this - just feeling, noticing, being interested and curious - the more likely it is to feel heard and take its leave. And as you complete this practice over and over, the feeling is more likely to feel its mission is complete, and not come around to worry you.
This actually makes a lot of sense, thank you for laying it out. Could you break down how you actually do the 5-breath practice in the moment? Like, do you close your eyes, keep doing whatever you were doing, or fully pause? And when you say “notice the physical sensations,” are you talking about things like a tight chest or racing thoughts, or is it more subtle than that? Want to actually try this properly instead of doing a half version of it…
I find closing my eyes is helpful for focusing on the sensations, but if this would be weird or dangerous (eg, in the middle of a conversation or while driving), I will do my best without closing my eyes. Same with stopping what I am doing, etc. I feel like this technique has the greatest immediate effect when I can stop whatever I’m doing, sit down, and focus on the feeling entirely for an indefinite period of time. But I think the most important thing for long term progress is simply noticing the feeling in the moment and allowing yourself to feel it, even if just a little, for just a fraction of a second.
So to do it properly, I suggest not trying to do it properly. Just do it, but do it as consistently as possible.Then if you feel the urge, carve out 5 minutes per day or a couple times per day to specifically remember the feeling, and feel it uninterrupted.