On one side I enjoy solitude, walking alone, drawing, fishing and cooking. Most people bore me because I find them dull and superficial. I specially hate the talkative, needy ones who wont shut up and believe I care what they think. I dislike big groups of drunks or people that need to yell and listen to loud music to feel good.
On the other hand, I’ll die one day, possibly alone, because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for a girlfriend, marriage or raising children, nor to go to a club or a similar social occasion where people find other humans and maybe a partner.
Suddenly, dying alone with no children feels depressing: Everything I save and don’t spend will be appropriated or sold, everything I learn, a whole life of experiences, will simply be forgotten, I know I won’t feel anything when I die, or after, and I shouldn’t care about it, but I still feel sad I’m going to die without nobody but the debt collectors noticing my death. Suggesting I marry out of desperation so I don’t die alone would be a terrible idea. So don’t. I’m too set on my ways and wouldn’t be fair to any child.
I like some human contact but feel the world offers me either loud, drunk jerks, immature idiots or the complete solitude I have now, a solitude I mostly enjoy but sometimes makes me feel alone.
We are all mortal and will be forgotten someday.
This shouldn’t be a cause for concern, but a liberating fact. You are free to live your life the way you want to. If you are enjoying the lifestyle you are currently living, you shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. There is no set path for life that everyone is required to follow.
If you are feeling alone, unfortunately, you will need to sift through various social groups to find one that clicks with you. It takes time and effort, but most good things do. There are other places to go than bars and parties. If you go to volunteer events, you are much more likely to find people who look beyond themselves.
Also, you may like birdwatching groups. Or astronomy meetups. Cycle rides. Or any number of activities that are compatible with an outdoor lifestyle.
And all of the hobbies mentioned involve socialising being spaced out by doing the shared activity, so it’s less intense :-)