Honestly, I’m not sure. Part of me wishes I never existed. There have been so many nights I’ve wished to never wake up. Other times, when my anxiety causes chest pains (right side), I wish it were in the left (heart attack). But then there are times when I see my boys working together to solve a video game problem (I grew up abused by my brother because he thought “that’s what brothers did”), or they make a casual comment about how much they want to do something with me (spend my birthday with me and take me to dinner, on their mom’s week), and I couldn’t be happier to be alive, and I wish I could just be happy because they are all I need.

~I’m sorry, I’m just so very tired.~