I hadn’t have the best interaction with people and I have made friends that I felt wasn’t great for me as well as gotten out an controlling relationship a year ago. It has eaten up my self-esteem where I am scared to actually talk to anyone in real life as I worried similar thing would happen.
I know I need to push myself out there which is easier said than done. One thing I tried to do is if I am in a decent mood, I got to one the social group which is on like every month as well as join in to my friend’s karaoke night and sing terribly. Sadly, I’m not Mariah Carey… 😔
So I have taken slow steps up which is better than taking none I guess but I got long way till I feel confident in myself where I stop worrying about everything as it really does held me back in general.
Ideas:
- find a tabletop gaming group to join
- find ppl who exercise like you do (I started a cycling group, e.g.)
- join a book club (if you read)
- join a service org which does good works
Have fun!
As others have said, find some group events that you can attend. Something where everyone is there for the same reason, and will be working on the same thing together. Something that happens in the same time and place regularly - preferrably weekly. Something that you think will be fun. Then, show up.
If you find showing up to these things hard, just break the process down into smaller steps, and congratulate yourself on doing each step. For example, if you are anxious about going to some event, tell yourself “all I have to do is walk out my front door with the intention of going.” And if you do that, then you’ve made progress, even if you immediately turn around and go back inside. Then next week, you can push yourself to arrive at the place where the event is, congratulate yourself, and then turn around and go home if you want. Then next week, walk up to the building, touch the door handle, and run away. Then walk in the door, but look down at your phone like you are lost, and walk out. Etc.
I’m super proud of you. Seriously. It can be really hard to get back out there and those little steps keep you moving forward. And remember that, you are moving forward. Keep it up!
Take it in your own time! I cope with social anxiety myself so I have to take things in small steps too.
To echo the idea of a martial arts class, I always fare better socializing around some kind of activity. Sometimes I’ll go to the local climbing gym to boulder for an hour or two (I’m US based). I like it cause I can chat with other climbers while resting (I definitely spend more time resting on the mats than on the wall) and there’s a common activity to start conversation with. Most of the climbing gyms I’ve been to facilitate welcoming community spaces and are accessible to new climbers and all kinds of people. Most also have fairly robust community calendars that include stuff like arts and crafts, movie nights, yoga, park excursions etc etc
In short, community spaces that facilitate stuff to do are great for meeting people and offer opportunities for as much socialization as you feel comfortable with.
I would highly suggest joining a BJJ club or considering martial arts training in general.
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It’s a great way to find a community and make friends - even as a woman.
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The experience of training martial arts can neurologically condition you to handle every day situations, like social anxiety. It’s not a cure, but it can help mitigate the symptoms.
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The only barrier is showing up. You don’t need to be popular or part of a cliche to feel welcome.
I been curious about maybe learning martial art as saw there’s class nearby my area, might take a look at it again. Thanks for reminding me
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