I’ve been reflecting on the past a lot, and yea… I didn’t realy remembering ever just like actually appreciating the moment. Thing just happen… yea felt happy, I guess… but now reliving those memories…
oh man that feels different, it feel so much more… intense
Like watching some sad movie, then you get the childhood flashback and hear the laughter of children, then the flashback ends and the scene returns to the war (or whatever tragedy the movie is depicting), everything is changed, destroyed, or just, it gone, its over, nothing can bring that moment back,
we are merely humans, we don’t have a fucking time machine, I’m not Max Caufield the time wizard, this is the present, this is reality now,
I can’t change the trajectory of history, I can’t fix the fact that I never really tried making friends, I can’t fix the relationship with my parents, if I could just be better, if I knew what I know now, to be a better child, perhaps my parents would’ve accepted me more.
I remember when I was a kid, I felt like I could actually be close to my mom, to cuddle. I feel like I caused too much problems that now everyone just hates me.
I shouldn’t have even tried to befriend my brother, I should’ve just ignored him, at least then we wouldn’t be enemies now.
Mindfulness and being intentional go a long way in helping with this. You’re probably in or around moments right now that you’re going to look back and think the very same thing. I have to force myself to notice that.
You can build new things. Valuable things. Restore relationships or create something new. And these new things will be what you want to cherish. The only constant is that everything changes.
Do what you can now and savor it while you have it. Then build something again and cherish that as well.
You may not be able to fix the past, but you can amend it and build something worthwhile. Or, of course, create something brand new entirely.