I overhead the livingroom conversation and its annoying af.
“Why are you so fat, lose some weight. This is why get no girls”
“Why are you working such a shitty job, didn’t you go to college for 5 years? Did you ever get a diploma or are you this stupid?” (referring to the fact that the internship requirements weren’t fullfilled so no diploma was issued at first)
“You need to [爭氣]¹, stop being such a loser”
(¹爭氣 Antonym of 不爭氣 meaning: disappointing; failing to live up to expectations; so basically something like: “strive for more in life?”)
These are directed at my older brother, so then he gets insecure and starts be like: what about [him]? (he’s referring to me) so then he starts insulting me…
like dude wtf I didn’t yell at you, the fuck you targeting me for?
Then here’s the kicker: later my mom would also go say a lot of similar stuff, but directed at me instead and when my older brother is not listening to it, and from my older brother’s pov, he views himself as if he’s being unfairly mistreated and so he’s then hates me because of that, even thought I don’t exactly get any special treatment, I’m 5 years younger btw.
So like both my mom and brother would say a lot of shit to me and like bruhhh…
So… just your average Asian American household… 🙃
I feel like one of these days we’re gonna end up murdering each other then she’s gonna end up childless lmao… wonder if she’ll even feel shame for getting her children to murder each other. (okay kidding, don’t think murder is happening yet, but it does feel quite scary when the yellings erupt)
I know a lot of westerners here are gonna be like “go no contact”, but like honestly if Asians all followed the western standards, I bet like 80% of “boomer” Asian parents are gonna have estranged kids, this is just the norm.
Do you think like because the “overtion window” of parenting is different, that maybe sometimes you just have to accept that this shit happens, or should I just like embrace western culture and beome a “banana” (Asian on the outside, Westernized on the inside)?
Sorry if my thoughts make no sense, kinda just thinking aloud.
Abandoning your family is difficult, even if just for economic reasons. Especially if you live in a country like the US that doesn’t exactly have good social benefits for people down on their luck (IDK where you actually live).
Is there any way you could at least put some distance between you and your family in the near future? Some of my relationships with family members improved a lot after a couple of years with relatively low contact (I attended university in a different part of my country).
Re: Shame culture, I haven’t experienced anything like that here in Germany. Some families are definitely more demanding than mine, but I think even those are usually more constructive and less venomous than yours.