Most of the hobbies I unexpectedly enjoyed had something in common: I learned about them in real life rather than online.

Online hobby communities seem fun to participate in, but they suck the fun out if it very quickly because you’re immediately interacting with and comparing yourself to people from all around the world who live and breathe that hobby.

You suddenly find yourself in the midst of a dedicated community where you’re a nobody. The pride and sense of identiry you felt about being the only one in your social circle who could do The Thing is gone, because now everyone does it, and everyone is also better than you. You get overwhelmed with tips, tricks, a whole roadmap of how to improve, and tons of inspiration everywhere that just suck the individuality out of the hobby.

For instance, I really, really enjoyed sewing recently. I took an old pair of jeans and a terrible flannel shirt and crafted custom bunny ears for a hat I had lying around. I was so proud of myself! I even figured out on the fly how to make them look more thick and organic – I used some cotton pads I usually use for my make-up to stuff them.

It also felt really good to show off my spontaneous little crafts project to everyone I know. Nobody else had sewn stuff before, so I felt like I truly came up with something cool and unique! It was part of my identity for a brief moment, something that I came up with.

Then I briefly checked sewing communities online to see what others were doing – big mistake.

I was so proud of my ears and was planning on finding inspiration to work on similar projects in the future, but suddenly I felt like I was on step 1 of a 300 step ladder to climb to “get better” at sewing. Even though I wasn’t comparing my own to others’ work, it suddenly felt like a chore: I would eventually have to ‘graduate’ to new stitching patterns, good quality fabric, more complex projects, I’d get helpful tips and techniques, fun projects to put in a ‘backlog’.

It made it all feel so exhausting.

If I had not figured out the trick with the cotton pad stuffing on my own, I would have probably read it somewhere online captioned “if you’re just starting out, here’s a hack” and it would have felt like I was settling for something suboptimal someone else came up with. It would have been utterly unrewarding. No creativity involved, just copying what others laid out for me.

It’s like a cogitohazard. If you want to enjoy a hobby, block its online communities. Don’t look it up. Try to invent it from first principles. Learn about it yourself.

postcrossing! You send a postcard to a random person and you recieve another random one in return. I started it to use up some cards I had laying around but now when I travel I almost always get cards from the gift shop

I was scrawny, well below 6-foot, and not particularly athletic, but in college I just decided that… Dammit, I was gonna teach myself how to play basketball! And for whatever reasons, I did so not by any teaching or ‘intramurals,’ but just going by out on local courts and screwing around.

And this cannot be understated-- at the court near my university, it was mainly youngish black guys who played, and for whatever crazy reason, they took a liking to me, and imparted to me a sense of… ‘it’s OKAY to be trying this, even though you don’t have the faintest clue how to play this game.’

I REALLY owe those awesome brothers, way back when, as I later became someone who was pretty much the best street-baller out of our extended friend-group. Somehow I got quicker and quicker, my dribble ever tighter, and my ability to get to the hoop, ever more filled with feints, tricks and critical hops. Haha, at the same time, I could barely shoot to save my life. (cue “White Men Can’t Jump” moment, where it’s the reverse)

I think I wound up playing for ~18yrs (age 21 to 39), and I still miss the game in so many ways. It was like the last sports game in the world that I learned (outside of table tennis), and it was such a fun trip, and great, regular cardiovascular workout for me. ❤️

Karate. I did some martial arts when I was a kid, so when my son started with karate I was of course supportive. He has some minor special needs, so he preferred if I was present during his sessions, and this ended up with me getting to know the group pretty well, and I ended up joining myself.

I have since dropped out, mostly due to moving far away from a dojo practicing the same style, but there and then it was pretty fun to join in on the anual tournaments despite not being nearly as flexible as I was in my teens.

Theater Drama :)

I hate showcasing my emotions, being seen in public, i prefer staying hidden. But i wanted an activity to meet deaf people outside bar, drinks & alchools.

In the end, i enjoyed playing text, i imagine how i would play this one, what are the idea hidden behind the text…and meeting people where i can have a deeper relationship then meeting them in a bar. :)

Running, servers, Linux, and fatherhood.

Running has shocked me the most, just randomly got into it and now I can’t stop. One day I just went out and ran a 14k and now I’m planing my eating according to running.

Weightlifting, but deadlifting in particular. Not that I can do it anymore (medical issues), but I’m glad I did when I could.

I never lifted any amazing amount, but it still somehow feels really rewarding as you get better and better at it. And makes you feel really strong being the only woman in the office who can easily replace the water cooler jug.

elden ring!