What were you told about sex that turned out to be wrong? Did you use it? Did you figure it out later or already know it was wrong when they told you?
What were you told about sex that turned out to be wrong? Did you use it? Did you figure it out later or already know it was wrong when they told you?
“Sex is 90% mental.”
It’s true, I guess, but it’s like saying that the foundation is only 10% of a building. It may only be a fraction, but it’s pretty damn important.
I had always heard that sex was magical, intimate, the closest we get to the divine, and the like, but I always found it disappointing, generally awkward and slightly moist. Nothing at all like what I imagined, or deeply crave. Because of this advice, I thought that I was doing something wrong. Like, my partner was bad at it, or I wasn’t really into it, or I’m just mentally broken. This was part of the reason I left several promising relationships, and am still single.
Then, on r/AskMen, I found out that the penis is actually supposed to feel something. (Men never talk about this stuff in person, in my experience.) The only sexual sensation that I get is in the 0.5mm of remaining foreskin, and it’s barely anything. Turns out sex is very much physical. I wish I’d known this decades earlier.
I think what people mean by that is that how good sex is is largely determined by the connection you have with your partner, namely your level of communication, patience, unerstanding, in-tune-ness, and listening, as well as general knowledge, rather than the physical equipment you’re working with. Of course, if your equipment has a functional abnormality, then it’s important to know how to work around it, so there’s still a majority mental element in that respect.
That is what I gather that people mean by it, but it’s a lousy way to say it. Still, there are plenty of people who enjoy getting laid without any effort toward communication, patience, understanding, being in-tune, or listening. (Looking back, this should have been a clue.) They’re just doing it for the sensations. Those can be enhanced or dulled by mental factors, but without them, it’s not sex.
Some people just want to get off, everything else be damned. I kinda feel bad for them, since they don’t know how good the cerebral aspects of sex can feel.
Indeed, it would be much better to say, “the physical pleasure of sex can be greatly enhanced by emotionally connecting with your partner.” That’s so much more to the point, and enlightening, than, “sex is 90% mental.”
I agree with you there.