What were you told about sex that turned out to be wrong? Did you use it? Did you figure it out later or already know it was wrong when they told you?
That I should wait for marriage
Yeah, that’s certainly not for everyone. While there can be some value in it for some people, I think it’s healthy and natural to sexually experiment and get some experience before settling down.
First thing that comes to mind is the idea that one needs to “get laid” - that you should go out and find someone, anyone, to have sex with. I disagree with that, it’s just another way to pressure people into having sex before they are ready.
I’ve been called gay by toxic men because i stand by I’d rather be with 1 woman i love than lay 100 women i don’t care about.
Fellas, is it gay to want to fall in love with a woman and have sex with her?
I can tell you what definitely is not gay is when you as a dude turn your own life and personality into a performance for other dudes obsessed with bragging about sex.
Yep, gay-meter just flatlining here, no gay detected whatsoever.
… smdh …
Love is a feeling and feelings are gay
If it is then I’m gay as Liberace for my wife.
Yep! Fuck those men - wait, i need a different verb. Forget those men, bin them, clear them from your mind.
Instructions unclear. 100 men fucked to prove I’m not gay.
They can suck your dick! Wait, no, uh, they can eat your ass! Wait no they can… Um…
‘Pay my rent, bitch.’
… eh, eh?
Absolutely. Different people have different personal relationships with sex and no one should pressure anyone else into it in any way. There are no universalities to the experience of sex or lack thereof.
I agree, the stigma around being a virgin, especially towards men is really pervasive and has many downstream negative effects.
In the past it was more about men using it to measure superiority over other guys but nowadays it’s almost more common to see women use it as an insult and a measure of someone’s worth. As ridiculous as it sounds to say but women also subscribe to the belief that a man who sleeps with girls is seen as good, and someone who doesn’t - bad. If you don’t get laid then it means women can sense your a bad person or something🤭 Otherwise a woman would have slept with you. You can see this with the incel thing, get into an argument online with a woman and your sexual experience is about to be questioned 🤭 So yeah the stigma around virginity and pressuring people into getting laid doesn’t seem to be going anywhere soon.
Someone find the thread about the guy with a horrific sex playlist, who doubled down and kept thrusting to the arythmic beat even after his partner banned him from using it.
https://lemmy.world/post/625442
I read this to people who didn’t see it and there is nobody who has not almost fallen down laughing. It’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in my life, and the song, holy crap, it is so awful.
I remember this, it was that song that sounded like a clown falling down the stairs
… Now I kind of want to know what song that was
Pretty sure it’s cbat by Hudson Mohawke, which while a very musically interesting song is absolutely not music for fuckin to.
I remember this, it was hilarious. You couldn’t do it more wrong than that guy if you tried
What the erratic but not erotic fuck are you talking about?
It was awhile ago, and I can’t remember if it was a fedi or R*ddit🤮 post.
Basically, this guy decided to make a sex playlist, as teenagers do, because he was given the advice that ‘thrusting to a beat’ helped you last longer AND improved things for your partner.
He chose songs that did not have a beat. At all. After a few times being subjected to this, his partner banned music during sex. He made a post asking for advice after his partner (rightfully) got mad and interrupted sex because he… Started mentally playing the song and thrusting to the beat he was explicitly told was uncomfortable and not at all fun for her.
Was cbat on that playlist?
Yes this is it. Even if just another fake Reddit story it’s too funny.
So he went from CBAT to just CBT?
It was a reddit post i’m pretty sure, and on r/TIFU
It’s not exactly “advice” but something you’ll see on Reddit over and over is how difficult it is to make women orgasm and 80% of women don’t cum from penetration and you need to do a,b,c before even you can even hope to make a girl orgasm, I’m sure everyone has seen it. But from the women I’ve talked to, they’ve all seemed to say it’s not difficult at all to make them orgasm and multiple women have told me they cum plenty from just penetration🤷
It’s not a ‘two kinds of women’ thing. I couldn’t until after my last kid was born, something shifted with the 10-pounder and not all bad I guess. The first few times it happened it felt like a party trick.
Also I think the average time guys can last gets longer as they get older, so that helped too, and I learned for me it works better to start with fucking, if I get one from direct stimulation first I’m less likely to get off from the penetration.
So I guess I want to say DO NOT tell women you know better how their bodies work, and you will be fine. We are all different and also change through time.
I don’t see how’s that relevant to my reply? I didn’t mention anything about “two kinds of women” and I’m not telling women to do anything here 🤭 if you misclicked then no worries.
Just adding context. I do agree with you, don’t think 80% of women have trouble getting off.
That one is very subjective - its something around 40% of women can’t get off on penetration alone. Toys or other stimulus during does help quite a bit, again, depending on the woman, her preferences, and what her body reacts to.
If every woman you have ever slept with came on the first date, without a discussion/discovery phase, a good portion of those women are lying to you.
Yeah it’s not my personal experiences here but just discussions I’ve had with women. It wasn’t anything about first dates, just about sex in general and it was a common sentiment they don’t find it difficult achieving an orgasm, contrary to what ive heard so many times on reddit and elsewhere. And I’m not romantically involved with them so I don’t think they had a reason to lie to me but of course you never know 🤭
What’s your sample size for the women you’ve talked to about this?
Like 10. Of course it’s a small sample size 🤭 I’m not conducting a survey. Could be a coincidence, I’m just saying with how many stories I’ve heard online about the difficulty of making a woman cum, the women I’ve talked to didn’t really sing that song.
And did those women tend to have a good amount of sexual partners and/or in happy, committed relationships? Both of those would make it so that they have a better chance to experience orgasms from penetration alone since they’d either have more chances to get a other who knows what he’s doing or one who, after a while of getting to know her body and communicating and listening, would be able to get it done with her.
It really varies from person to person. Studies have shown that only about 16% of women can cum from penetration alone, but that number may be skewed by men who, in one way or another, don’t do what’s required to make it happen. Some women can cum but it takes a while, so they can do it with a dildo but not a man who has a time limit before he either cums or runs out of energy, or just haven’t been with a man who puts in the effort to get her aroused enough beforehand, or men who can adapt their stroke technique to her anatomy, or just don’t listen when she tells them what to do, or women who are socially conditioned against communicating their needs and think they need to just take whatever the man thinks is right. This makes it difficult to determine whether or not any given woman can’t cum at all from penetration alone or just hasn’t experienced the things necessary to make it happen.
This is why communication, active listening, and adapting your form to suit your partner are important to maximize pleasure for all parties involved.
“Sex is 90% mental.”
It’s true, I guess, but it’s like saying that the foundation is only 10% of a building. It may only be a fraction, but it’s pretty damn important.
I had always heard that sex was magical, intimate, the closest we get to the divine, and the like, but I always found it disappointing, generally awkward and slightly moist. Nothing at all like what I imagined, or deeply crave. Because of this advice, I thought that I was doing something wrong. Like, my partner was bad at it, or I wasn’t really into it, or I’m just mentally broken. This was part of the reason I left several promising relationships, and am still single.
Then, on r/AskMen, I found out that the penis is actually supposed to feel something. (Men never talk about this stuff in person, in my experience.) The only sexual sensation that I get is in the 0.5mm of remaining foreskin, and it’s barely anything. Turns out sex is very much physical. I wish I’d known this decades earlier.
I think what people mean by that is that how good sex is is largely determined by the connection you have with your partner, namely your level of communication, patience, unerstanding, in-tune-ness, and listening, as well as general knowledge, rather than the physical equipment you’re working with. Of course, if your equipment has a functional abnormality, then it’s important to know how to work around it, so there’s still a majority mental element in that respect.
That is what I gather that people mean by it, but it’s a lousy way to say it. Still, there are plenty of people who enjoy getting laid without any effort toward communication, patience, understanding, being in-tune, or listening. (Looking back, this should have been a clue.) They’re just doing it for the sensations. Those can be enhanced or dulled by mental factors, but without them, it’s not sex.
Some people just want to get off, everything else be damned. I kinda feel bad for them, since they don’t know how good the cerebral aspects of sex can feel.
Indeed, it would be much better to say, “the physical pleasure of sex can be greatly enhanced by emotionally connecting with your partner.” That’s so much more to the point, and enlightening, than, “sex is 90% mental.”
I agree with you there.
