30 something woman here, apparently I masturbate a lot compared to my friends.
I have to say “yeah once a week too” when they raise the subject ,when in fact it is multiple times a day. Husband would also do 2 times a day if he kept to his “normal” cadence. I know “whatever works for me” is right, but I’d like to compare to other people my age that aren’t my friends.
38 male. 1-3 times per day.
It’s more commonly once per day as I get older, and the drop in libido is welcome. My partner only wants sex once per week, and she thinks I’m crazy (though she does come 1-4 times when we do have sex, and I only come 1-2 times, so that might explain it)
I wish I could find another partner with a higher libido, because it’s a strain on our relationship.
If once a week isn’t compromise enough, maybe you should be honest with her and find a higher libido partner. Once a week is still rather frequent but I understand that isn’t soothing to hear when you are the one with the higher libido.
(I say this as the higher libido partner in my relationship)
Oh, I’m honest. And I’m looking (we’re poly). But I haven’t found anyone. I’m also very picky…
Well, I wish you luck then.
I just started looking throughthe thread, but the idea that once a week is fairly frequent is mind boggling for me. My wife and I started having sex only once a week post-baby, and its caused us to seek therapy…
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Everyone is different.
I was personally still having sex about 1-2 times a week once I could after giving birth. There was a point I was having sex multiple times a day with multiple people. Frequency at this point is much lower at around once every two weeks.
It doesn’t bother me because my husband and I have a lot of physical touch and intimacy outside of sex. So matching his libido is no problem. My orgasms aren’t his responsibility, that’s what masturbation is for. Sex is only fun when there isn’t stress and pressure around it.
Edit:
Is that because once a week is not enough for you or for her?
I really want to stress that once a week with a baby is frequent.
For us both, really. Its caused a lot of strain on our relationship. I am more than happy to masturbate, but it doesn’t scratch the same itch for me as sex with my wife - lack of intimacy, I guess, but also just I love pleasuring her and I miss that. My wife finds masturbation to be wholly unsatisfying and gets outwardly frustrated if she goes solo for a while.
We both work full time and are juggling taking care of the baby, so many days we just don’t have the bandwidth to both have free time and privacy at the same time and thus initiate sex. Usually we’re worn out by the time the baby is asleep, and even if one or both of us is in the mood we just don’t have the energy. My wife has expressed that she feels rejected and unattractive because of it, and I find myself depressed and also a bit unattractive if I’m being honest.
But we are good communicators with each other, and we’re working through it. Its just hard.
The baby stages are SO HARD. For many reasons that aren’t as obvious as the most common ones like sleep. Sometimes just committing to snuggling naked was enough to reconnect and sometimes it would lead to sex that we didn’t think we had the energy for. Lots of little compromises until the babies get a little older.
Mostly you two just have to get through this together and if your communication is good, you’ll be good. They grow way faster than it seems when you’re in the early trenches of parenthood!