World is an absolute shit show with no signs of improving, personal life just keeps turning upside down, everything makes me terminally tired. I am trying to remain positive and be a positive force for others. I do stuff to make me feel better, like art, take walks, talk to a therapist, grow plants, community work - and I do manage to squeeze a tiny happiness out of my activities but it doesn’t seem to be worth the effort. I try to connect with people and quite a few people actually seem to like me but socializing makes me feel exhausted. I catch myself thinking “Let the fucking war arrive and burn it all down” and that’s terrifying stuff to carry in one’s own head. I just feel I’m part of the overpopulation and that there’s no point of existing.
I have a kid and don’t want them to be sad because their crazy parent offed themselves and that’s all that keeps me going.
Those of you feeling like this: what keeps you going?
EDIT: Wow, this has been quite a day. Thanks for your answers and advice, it was so far the darkest day I found on my path and you really helped me through it! I’d like to send a virtual hug to all, especially those who seem to be struggling as much as I do and who stay around for the sake of their loved ones, or simply out of spite and anger. The heavy tension-inducing weather that was been brewing here all morning finally unloaded into an impressive thunderstorm with bucket loads of rain, and then a friend arrived telling me she was feeling quite the same way (the weather clearly didn’t help today!), and she inspired me to host a meeting I wanted to do since a long time, so I finally set up a date for it and announced it. So here we go again, despite or with the rage, the spite, the heavy heart. See you tomorrow, hopefully with some sun to try that ‘baking cookies in my car’ thing I just found in the shitposting community. At least there will be cookies to go with the doom tomorrow!
Nihilism. I’ve fully accepted that humans are definitely going extinct and I’m just along for the ride. It’s oddly comforting to realize nothing you do matters in the long run because your entire species and society has no future. I’ll focus on being a nice person to the few other humans that know me instead of trying to change the entire world, because realistically I can’t change the world. If I can make some positive impacts to a few other individuals before we all die, I’ll take that as a win.
Is that a healthy mindset? No. But I’m not a healthy person to begin with so I don’t care.
I sometimes wish I could just drop all hope, but it always keeps popping up again. I’m a hopeless optimist, or maybe an optimistic hopeless person? ‘Healthy’ is a very subjective thing, there’s no ‘one fits all’ solution - you can pursue the most healthy activities in very unhealthy ways, and use the most unhealthy stuff to keep alive and somewhat happy, so what?
The fact that dying is harder than a lot of people assume. Damn biology making me hungry and thirsty and afraid of train tracks…
I wish my damn biology reminded me that I’m hungry before I reach the state of hangry doom - but hey I’m afraid of train tracks as well and always keep hydrated, and I managed to bake some yummy bread today that I actually like to eat.
That biological urge to stay alive might completely fuck up my retirement plan of jumping off a bridge when my body starts falling apart. I probably should make a better plan before I reach my 60s.
Making money to support my wife and kids, and not much else. I try to do my best for self care, but other than occasionally playing videogames and mowing the lawn, nothing really brings me joy. I’ve been into world politics since I was a kid, and have witnessed the slow decline of the US over decades. I’ve been really good at putting money away over my career, and have a healthy insurance policy, I just hope my kids can benefit from it.
I’m more curious about what happens next than dejected about what has already transpired
Exploration, curiosity, discovery can be great motivators
I like that, I try to remember being curious every day!
Things are rough, but I’ll have all the time in the world to rest when I’m dead. So why not give it my all and see where it takes us?
It’s great that you’re trying to take care of yourself!
“Overpopulation” is a lie spread by the right wing to distract us from the way that capitalists, oligarchs, etc. take from us. You might find a useful project in looking into community movements that have rejected, in the past and currently, exploitation under capitalism and other hierarchies. https://inv.nadeko.net/playlist?list=PLvwoHdNGq9wUbrwTZ2k8yXE5oABPBQ4NX here is a playlist with short videos talking about still-active resistance groups of many kinds. There’s always something we can learn from them. https://srslywrong.com/ this podcast is a sweety pie take providing fun and funny analyses of various hierarchies in society (check the sidebar for recommended episodes).
Talk about these feelings with trusted people in addition to your therapist. Pull back from watching the news/doomscrolling/social media for a while. See if you can take a trip to a place where life looks different, for a week.
I don’t watch the news at all and curate political stuff out of my feeds as much as I can. Thanks for the links, going to check them out!
The knowledge that western domination over the world is crumbling, that neolibarlism is becoming discredited, and that the capitalist system is imploding. Meanwhile, there’s plenty of positive news coming out China every day. China is building infrastructure, transitioning off fossil fuels, and improving the standard of living for its people. China is showing what an alternative cooperative model of development looks like, one that’s not based on constant war and exploitation.
“The horrors persist, yet so do I”. The world sucks, but I have things I care about, people I love, some wonderful cats. And I’m not gonna let a fucked up world take that away from me without a fight
I guess I do have some people? Lack of object permanence doesn’t help the situation very much. Who can prove my loved ones even exist when they are not here?
If you unironically have trouble believing in the persistance of things outside of your own immediate senses, please go talk with your therapist more.
That’s kind of base level underpinnings of your existence and how you interact with the rest of the world shit.
Well it’s the 'tism and I am self aware about the issue, and I don’t think any therapist is just going to delete the autism from my brain by talking with them more, but thanks?
This feels like psychologist or neurologist territory.
It doesn’t have to be people per se, find what brings you those sparks of joy in your life and don’t let them go.
Spite. Spite and rage.
That does it for me on some days, and by the amount of likes it seems to be quite a common thing. If only I could channel the spite and rage away from the internet into real life. Found a nice motorway bridge and thought about hanging up some protest banner - but then people would read it and that’s all. Need to accumulate more rage before acting, maybe until I’m angry enough to put up a strongly worded protest banner.
My kids and my partner, they’re amazing and they all think the world of me.
That, also cat and dog. I am the feeder, brusher, vet-taker. Mr. Meowmeow and Ms. Fluffy would be very sad. That won’t do at all.
It’s not about what keeps me going, it’s about what can get me to slow down to survivable speeds.
Oh I love this one! I’m all for slowing down!
trying to emigrate. I can’t die here this sad and this alone. I’m motivated by self hate and a delusion that since I was happy one time it could happen again
Trying to find somewhere quite like here but not entirely, just so I can get busy with the relocating and building something new. It’s a hack, but an interesting one. Of course, on the other side of the fence we’ll meet our face in the mirror yet again.
that sounds a little harder than what I’m trying to pull off. I heard there’s this super secret scumbag lifehack where if an autistic person picks a country different enough from their own, their social symptoms tend to just appear as average immigrant idiosyncrasies.
I’m pretty repulsed by my own country’s culture so I’m hoping I’ll be spared that “grass is always greener” fallacy that tends to befall other expats.
Unfortunately I already played my “going to another country where it’s all better” card 25 years ago, and because of that didn’t even notice I was autistic for quite some time, so there’s some truth in that.
At this point I can report that I’m repulsed by my native country’s culture, my country of residence’s culture, and probably that of any other country once I learn enough about it. So my main criteria for finding a new place at this point are “Small affordable house with a garden for rent, understand the language at least a little, rural area in the mountains without too many fascists, not too dry and hot”. Let the other expats have all the beaches and leave me alone.
I find suicide distasteful and seek glory.
The idea that maybe in the future i will be in a better place than now, that i’ll be financially stable and i’ll work a job that i like and where i can keep a good balance between it and my personal life. (Im beyond delusional)
“Mom would be sad” was basically the only thought that carried me through my most suicidal years. So I guess it’d be “kid would be sad” for you. In any case fake it 'til you make it if all else fails, that was what they taught us in dialectical behavior therapy by the way of willingness & half-smile (or at least that is how I internalized it). Another thought that has been keeping me going since those suicidal years is “this too shall pass” with or without the additional “away” in the end, by which I have come to understand the transient nature of everything; the only constant is change, and it is inevitable. This combined with some personal growth in understanding of global geopolitical and economical concepts (straight up communism bro) has lead me to believe that better times are indeed coming, and although it may not be us alive right now who will be here to see those better days, we should not lose hope for the future. Someone once said that “wise men plant trees under whose shade they will never rest” or something, so I’d maybe encourage you to pick up again your hobbies that you listed: art, walks, talking, plant growing and community work and try to focus on what’s at hand, not what has been or could be or is somewhere else. You cannot affect any of those, so why worry about them?
I understand that the current global political and economical unrest is scary, but if it’s not currently threatening your life (or say your kid’s life) or stopping you from enjoying the things you are doing currently then it’s not really worth worrying about those, is it? I myself found help through DBT, it’s a long-form therapy used among others for emotional dysregulation disorders – like borderline personality disorder (that’s me!) – but it has many concept I believe should be in standard school curriculum globally, and the resources are available online as well as in print.
In any case, I hope the best for you. Raising children in the current global situation is no doubt incredibly anxiety inducing, and though it is good to stay strong for your children, it isn’t advisable to suffer because of your children so to say. It is good that you evidently know how to ask for help, and probably are capable to receive it.
the transient nature of everything; the only constant is change, and it is inevitable
Thank you for your thorough reply, I’ve been checking the DBT page and there’s a lot of good stuff there!
It’s funny that for me the transient nature of everything is as much comfort as it is reason for concern and discomfort - I’ve always wanted some kind of ‘static’ situation or find ‘the right way of understanding life’, and it took me a while to come to terms with the fact that everything changes all the time, that there never will be a standstill, or arrival at some final truth, or a place where one can rest and trust everything will always stay the same. I guess this desire for things to ‘stay the same’ is also part of the autism, I call it ‘sticky thoughts’. I’m still learning to embrace that everything is and always will be moving and I slowly ease into just being more curious and feeling comfortable with letting stuff happen and not panic about it.
