You mentioned you brother is a dog guy. Something that gets overlooked when women are trying to escape domestic violence is their pets. Many women’s shelters don’t allow pets, which leaves them in the hands of the abusers, who then use that fact and the threat or actual violence towards the pet to get their human victims to drop charges, return home, or simply out of revenge. Women’s shelters across the country are starting to recognize this but there’s still a need for people/places willing to care for the animal when the available human shelters can’t accept them. Being a temporary foster might be an option.
That’s not a bad idea only problem our BC German Shepard mix is a love whore. He will run up to our neighbors jump on them till he gets a head rub the lays on his back to get stomach rubs. Worth a shot though to kind of see how he would act around other dogs. Good tip mate.
I’m a guy and inquired at my local women’s shelter. I was told that they’ll always need help moving families out of their homes. So, there’s that. He can be a mover.
The women’s shelter likely needs volunteer work done that’s not specifically at the shelter. This would be a good way for him to volunteer.
Generally, you’re not going to find random men actually volunteering AT the shelter; that would be triggering for some of the abused women who pass through it.
Make sure he has his criminal records check up to date.
Lol I don’t know if it counts he has 6 dwi’s and 1 dui. He now is Arkansas clean, where he quit all hard alcohol and wine and not just drinks about an 8 pack a night but never gets out of control in the bad days. Hasn’t had a DWI or DUI in 6 years.
he quit all hard alcohol and wine and not just drinks about an 8 pack a night
…is that not borderline alcoholic? And also a ton of calories?
Oh hell yea it is the freaking asshole. He wakes up at 4 in the morning goes for a jog hits the gym till 10.
Dude needs to work on himself before trying this.
Guy that drinks eight beers a night should not be near traumatized women.
He’s going nowhere near a women’s shelter without a cr check.
Has he said why specifically why he wants to volunteer at a women’s shelter?
I think it is because I was raped when I was straight by my fiance and didn’t tell one and they blame themselves for not spotting the signs until I told them a couple years later. He says he just wants to give something back instead of get something back.
This whole thing is beyond weird… He is not a father, so for fathers day he wants to volunteer at a women’s shelter…
Who volunteers for fathers day? Why not volunteer at a retirement home and do something for men?
Furthermore why would he need to be a father to volunteer at a women’s shelter on Fathers Day?
The whole thing doesn’t make any goddamn sense. If the guy wants to volunteer to women’s shelter, go for it what the fuck does that have to do with Father’s Day?
I’m purely speculating on this, but it’s possible they don’t have a good relationship with their father (e.g. could have been abusive to their mother) and they therefore want to do something to help women in similar situations rather than honour their father that day.
Thats good speculation, but doesn’t make it any less weird.
This is the least weird thing … as a father, I always preferred an activity with my kids to celebrate Father’s Day, especially something that makes a difference, something that celebrates caring and protecting, and encourages my children to develop habits that care and protect. We generally did something like wilderness cleanup, or clean up grounds at community centers.
As my kids become adults and have less need of care and protection, it would be easy to say that Father’s Day no longer applies. But it applies to me if I say it does: taking care of people doesn’t just disappear. In the last couple years I’ve been putting some thought into whether I’d continue to meaningfully celebrate Father’s Day and how.
If I were close to someone who was attacked, who I couldn’t protect, who I wasn’t able to sufficiently care for, who needed a womens shelter, why wouldn’t that be one of the possibilities?
Usually in a shelter you’re dealing with traumatized women who no longer feel safe around men. Do they need safe men around to re-learn trust? Yes. Is the point of their first housing after fleeing an abuse situation under enough threat that qualify for a safe house the time for it? No. Most are female staff only.
What you CAN do:
Collect gently used clothing for donation. Many places can use just about all clothing, but I’ve heard requests for business appropriate or interview attire. Undergarments need to be new. Jewelry and accessories are often left behind, don’t forget these.
Collect gently used children’s toys (preferably not noisy ones).
Reach out to the shelter to find out if they have a preferred drop off time, or even better an off-site donation location. While you’re talking to them ask if they’re in need of anything else (food, tools, building materials, baby supplies, etc.)
This may be well-intentioned (although I am sceptical). Regardless, it’s a bad idea, it comes off as deeply sinister, and smacks really strongly of “not all men”. He should find something else to do.
It sounds like trolling for vulnerable women to me.
Go volunteer at a food bank, or shelter for general unhoused.
Cant hurt to call and ask but that might be a sensitive thing. Why a woman’s shelter specifically?
Because I had an abusive relationship when I was straight and would get constantly raped by my fiance and I never told anyone until years after it ended. My brothers kind of feel responsible so I guess this is their way of correcting a long ago wrong.
I get the impression there’s more to unpack here. Why does your brother feel responsible for something your ex did and you never told anyone about? I don’t think volunteering at a women’s shelter will solve the problem, there seems to be something more deep seated than that. I think therapy would do much more. He can still support domestic violence victims if he finds this is something he legitimately wants to do (and there are many ways of doing that).
EDIT: you mentioned he had a couple of dwi’s/dui’s… That really sounds more like something where a therapist could help. Again, if there still is a legitimate wish to support domestic violence victims, then that can be looked into then.
This person’s whole account is filled with bizarre stuff, really
Ouch, I looked through a bit of stuff… This person seems to have been through some shit (to put it mildly) and is having trouble processing things. Reminds me of my lowest points when I was in an abusive situation as well as the time after. I hope things get better.
A woman’s shelter is not his personal tool. Tell him to stay the fuck away from this stupid and destructive idea.
Or a less douchey version is …. While this may be well intentioned, it’s really not going to work and he needs to find another way to contribute
I think a more direct approach is necessary for someone so delusional and self-centered.
