I (a man with a penis) recently had my first time penetrating a vagina. I found it quite underwhelming, the sensations were there, I didn’t really struggle to orgasm (though the only position were I was able to get there was missionary where I control everything), but still I was disappointed by the sensations being 10 times weaker than what I feel by myself with a toy.
This didn’t make it a bad experience on the contrary. But the most fun part for me clearly was not the stimulation but rather the feeling of caressing her skin and her desire for me.
Am I the only one having such an experience?
Hey ! Congrats on reaching this milestone ! Here are our 2 cents on your questions.
Pleasure, especially sexual, is intensely psychological. First times are rarely optimal mentally, with performance anxiety and all around thinking going to the max. You will enjoy it more by letting go and relaxing, the both of you. This should come naturally as you both go and learn what you like and how to handle sex.
Now, this isn’t to say there is nothing to do on the physical side of things ! Contrary to popular belief, most pleasure is not “naturally there”, but learnt. Of course some areas are naturally more prone to feel it, but only by stimulation and **repetition ** does the true potential arise. Regarding the dick particularly, people with them tend to masturbate more often, and more forcefully, so when then meet a natural orifice, it can feel “lacking”, because it feels less intense from the get go. You have to learn to feel softer stimulation again, that’s all ! Also, it will help if the vagina-having partner cums before penetration (clitoral stimulation should be your go to), both for their pleasure, and for yours, because the perineum and other muscles in the area will be contracted, leading to a tighter feel. Playing with the clit while ongoing penetration should also help :)
Just a note, someone suggested backdoor for more intense feeling. This is, in our experience (MF couple), not true. A successful anal penetration (meaning one that is prepared and does not hurt at all ) is a great experience for all involved, but not more intense, just different. Actually, it may exacerbate your problem, because a relaxed ass will feel quite tight on entry, but very lax after that, while a contracted vagina will feel tight all along :)
Anyway, please have fun, explore, and most importantly, communicate with your partner(s), always !
Thank you for the help!
She had already much more experience with this and said the same thing. We had sex twice and the first time it started way too fast for me I was quite anxious and didn’t really felt at ease. The next morning it was much slower I was much more able to get into it and she did too I think.
Regarding anal, yeah I might try that at some point (I already play with this by myself I know how to do it cleanly and not painfukly, and I’m bisexual so…) thanks for warning me it might be the same.
Regarding her coming first, she was really into penetration so not much shot at it. And given how long to took me to make here come after I came (hands and mouths) this seems a hard goal to reach. I’ll try that next time. I had no idea coming made vaginas thighter.
Just a few precisions ! Don’t stress it out :) while you may have felt more relaxed in the morning (that’s great !), it was only the second time, so even then you’re still in discovery and (implicitly) stressful mindset.
Even if your partner loves penetration and is into it, chances are that she will not come solely from it. We happen to both have backgrounds in bio sciences, and the stats are clear : the vast majority of women are biologically unable to come from only penetration.
As we said, clitoral stimulation before, during, and after penetration will put both of you in a better mood both mentally and physically. Again, try not to take such a stressful approach, “it took so much time”, pleasure is not compatible with pressure, quite the contrary. Take your time, learn, talk and frequently ask what you can do to make your partner enjoy herself to the fullest ! Don’t be afraid to bring toys into the mix, everybody likes different things, and some form of toys (like womanizers) provide a kind of stimulation that is not really available by other means but can work really well !
Anyways, we’ll conclude like earlier, have fun, and talk with each other as much as possible :)
The time it took was not a stress factor for me, as we were both clearly enjoying the moment, It’s just that she did not seem to be into starting slowly. This was not planned and it’s very unlikely to happen again with this woman, so we did not have anything to help besides our bodies and 2 condoms 😅
I learned a lot about myself and I think I learned a thing or 2 that will apply to other women in the future. For sure my ex girlfriend was very different (due to health issues it never got beyond the hands) so I know generalizing over every woman is to be avoided.
Thank you for the valuable advice!
We forgot to add, but the simple fact that you took time to question your feelings, and ask questions here, already shows a very positive attitude towards sexual exploration that will no doubt serve you well with any future partners of any gender :)
I’m also planning on talking about it with some friends next time we get the chance.
And to be honest I did two things that helped me a lot, I listened to a lot of les couilles sur la table and le cœur sur la table, two very good French feminist podcast that really helped me be a better person overall but also have a healthy attitude towards sexuality and I had the good idea to watch some fingering tutorials and I was able have some idea what women overall tend to like (curve the fingers up, and never stop focusing on the clitoris outside).
My partner at the end told me “hey it was your first time but you did very well not to just stop when you came most men don’t do that”. Well, thank feminist podcasts for that one 😂.
That seems interesting, we sent you a private message to discuss further :)
Looking at this reddit post it seems to suggest having the woman orgasm before penetration is not the best idea with all women.
As we said, everyone is different and enjoys different things, we’re just giving you tips based on biological data and stats as well as our personal experiences, so you have a base understanding of what might be the most probable to work, but of course there is no universal answer !