I have changed my work teams twice now and happened twice now. First I just thought it was one toxic guy who picked up on me and had a knack on finding bully targets. Then, I have changed teams away from this dude and I felt I was surrounded by sane people this time but it happened again. It starts with one person making fun of me and others start to pick it up.
I’m not sure what it is that I’m giving away that I attract bullies so easily. I often put a smile and not make any rude jokes with coworkers. Maybe that’s the reason why?
I’ve observed one more pattern is that they act nice and normal when they’re alone with me but suddenly when we’re in a group, they start behaving in a snarky fashion towards me and find every opportunity to make fun of me. They often steal my ideas & jokes and pose them as their own too, I’m not bothered with it through as long as it doesn’t benefit them in work.
I’m not an idiot either at work that makes them think I’d be an easy target. I often do my job very well and stay up with every metric. They don’t seem to like it or try to downplay me whenever I’m in a spotlight.
I’ll be changing companies soon and I want to try to cut down on any behaviours that make me look like the doormat that I am. Any tips on how to make others respect me more? Thanks.
Is it possible that they are giving you a playful ribbing? At every place I’ve worked you knew when you had become accepted when they started razzing you a little bit. Never anything too hurtful, at least not on purpose.
They might be waiting on you to join in and get a snarky remark in.
Friendly ribbing and trying to establish dominance are two different things. I usually take someone “friendly ribbing” me as an opportunity to do the same right back. You can usually tell rather quickly if they’re just doing it for fun or there is an ulterior motive.
For some people it’s not that easy to recognize. Maybe OP has difficulty with social cues. I have no idea, but it could explain why they don’t understand why it keeps happening.
I often laugh over the jokes people make on me. And I try getting back at them too. I can understand that level of playful ribbing.
But if it happens too often and too mean to start to take notice. Even some of my good coworkers took notice of it too and called it out.
Your coworkers called it out but you did not. So the aggressors thought “you are fine with it.”
Social nuances are difficult to manage. When social ribbing goes to far you have to learn to set limits.
The key is to show that you are displeased with their behavior and address it immediately.
“What the hell, not cool.”
“That’s an asshole thing to say.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“That’s inappropriate”
Non-verbally you can just give them a stare, then frown, and slowly shake your head. Treat them like a naughty child getting in trouble with the teacher.
Once you communicate your limits, it sets boundaries for them to be comfortable with.
If they don’t stop. You can get much more aggressive.
“Just a moment, my lawyer wants me to write down what you say as soon as I can for the harassment lawsuit.” Said with a big innocent smile, this scares the shit out of most people.
Damn, you might be right. I have looked on it in totally different way. When people call out “hey don’t bully that guy”, I psychologically feel they’re just confirming that I’m the one on the losing end here and immediately start being defensive. I feel I’m restoring my dignity somewhat there by defending that I’m okay in that situation. I haven’t realised this until you pointed this out lol sounds so obvious.
From now on, I’ll try to aggressively latch to person coming on to aid me.
In my early 20’s (like 21-22) I worked in a work environment that is notoriously big for everyone giving each other shit at work (trades and labouring).
One thing I picked up on very fast was that you had to set those limits on how much crap you can take as a joke. It also made it really easy to know when an actual fight was about to break out because both parties would step over those lines immediately haha.
Anyway, I’ve done this at every job since and personally I’ve never had an issue with workplace bullying or anything. I swear the workplace is just the schoolyard for adults lol