Talking to everybody about their problem instead of working through it with their partner.
Don’t get me wrong: having a close friend you can confide in and talk it out with can be healthy, it can help you figure out how to approach the talk. But if you’re left feeling like you can’t talk to your partner at all, maybe you should ask yourself why?
When they keep posting on social media about their relationship
Oh that’s a good one. “I lurrrvvee my wonderful half! Here are photos of us being joyful!”
One lies to the other because they want some time alone.
What shreds the relationship isn’t even the lie itself, but what motivates it - either one side is unable to set up boundaries, or the other is consistently violating them. (Or both.)
When they are adult children
“I do [negative thing] because they do [negative thing]”
“[Person] started it”
“I do more than they do” or “I dont do it as much as they do”
When they always think they are each right, and instead of negotiating, they just yell the equivalent of “Im right!” a little louder over the other.
If a couple has been dating for less than one year, and I see them bicker or fight, I think they should break up. Not because they shouldn’t bicker or fight. But because I shouldn’t be seeing it. You shouldn’t be letting your personal squabbles spill out into the nice potluck the rest of us are having. If I see this happen, I assume that either (1) the couple has some major incompatibility that is so contentious that it can’t help but spill out in inappropriate moments or (2) one or both of the couple lacks the maturity to discuss their personal problems in private like adults.
He/she lives for the other, and the other lives only for himself/herself.
This seems like the right answer. 😄
When one constantly responds for the other whenever they are asked something. Especially when its personal questions that they have no business responding to.
When they think the other must but faultless/flawless.
My spouse and I have been together for almost 30 years and counting. And neither of us are perfect, nor saint. I even less.
What screams ‘this couple could last’ to us is when we see people using the same method we use to face issues. Discussing the issues as quickly it arises instead of blaming and being judgmental. And that can include cheating.
In short it’s keeping in mind we both can be (and probably are more often than we think) assholes or absolute morons. And that shit can happen n,o matter how hard we try.
I don’t know. My husband and I have been together for 20+ years. I feel that judging other people makes us appreciate that we’re not awful. We’re weird but on a way we both like. So many people are just not good people. If you like each other and can have fun with each others friends and family, youre on a good start. If you can enjoy them without.ylir SO company, you’re among your people…of it’s better because they are therz well then everything is.
jealousy
Agree. I almost lost mine because I was so jealous. Who are you going to be with, why are you going out, why am I not invited? To her work things, her friend things. It took me a long time to realize that was a me problem, not a her problem.
And once I dealt with it it all got easier.
So ill never be in a relationship, that’s good to know
When the thing keeping them together is something external, for example they’re the only 2 gay people in the area.
Another external factor I’ve seen as an albatross is being together because of finances or insurance.
Also kids.
TIL the word ‘albatross’ has more than one meaning!
Any couple that think a relationship require no work.
To be fair, a good relationship (in my opinion) requires little work to maintain: making sure you are happy, as well as your companion. In most cases this wont feel like work at all. If a relationship requires a ton of effort, and its causing strain, it should be re-evaluated.
The ‘work’ is usually internal, and the less your parents/circumstances gave you the more work you’ll have to do by yourself to get to where you were always supposed to be. An adult who was brought up in an abusive household and isn’t existential/bright has to do more work than one that was raised similarly but is more gifted, and the latter has to do more work than one that is gifted but was brought up in a peaceful, loving environment, and so on. 👍
