in conservative, religious communities, you are almost always disowned or ostracized if you come out, alot of people feared coming out, this also true if suddenly become an aethiest too, plus some of them become twisted and starts to project as well.
as far as being SAer , the more religious it is, the more they are okay with maintain that hiearchy.
No parent is fine with that, what are you talking about?
Who are these parents? You’d think any reasonable person would rather their son commit gross immorality than simply being attracted to their own sex? What’s your frame of reference (location, age, etc.)?
First off, a kid doesn’t become gay. They are or they aren’t, maybe in between. (I know you know this.) I was in the single digits when I got chubbies from Wonder Woman comics, especially where she’s tied up (😮). I knew where I stood. Nothing has changed in the last 5 decades.
Yes, I would be worried if I thought my son was gay (he isn’t). The extra hassle, the ass beatings, fewer partners to choose from, the bigotry, yikes, thankful he won’t live that hell. It’s got way better since I was a kid in the 70s/80s, but we got miles to go.
I am worried he’ll become an abuser/harasser. He’s only 10, and I only get him a few times a year, but talking to him about such things when he starts puberty is top of mind. He’s an angry little fucker, thinks I screwed him and his sister over. (Long story, mom lies unabashedly.)
I am worried that this post comes off “if not gay = harasser”. I know you don’t mean it like that! But this is the sort of thing young cis men feel attacked over. Can you see a 14-yo cis kid reading this and thinking, “Well fuck me. I’m straight so they’re saying I’m evil.” And off to the alt-right pipeline they go for validation.
Hard to talk about dancing around young cis men’s feelings when they have all the privilege in the world. Been there, done that, got the privilege. But we must be cautious not to turn them against us, include them.
Am drunk. Any of that make sense?
When have you ever heard someone say they’d be fine with their son being a harasser?
No one is going to explicitly say that, but in some communities the reaction to a son being gay is a lot harsher than to a son sexually harassing someone else.
I mean, absolutely, especially globally, there are still a lot of communities like that.
In the developed west, personally at least, I think the people who would have that attitude tend to be a bit too old (or way too old) to be having kids.
While I can’t speak to OP’s experience, that’s the kind of sentiment that publicly expressed would make employment more difficult etc.
Tbf, OP did not say that these people say this. They said that these parents are fine with the thought of it, which in many cases does very much seem to be a typical line of thought within certain communities.
Historically, women are a lot more often told to not act/dress like ‘sluts’ (framing the harassment they endure as their own fault for presenting themselves in a provocative way) than men are told to control themselves enough to not harass random women and girls just because they can.
They bring up a valid point about double standards and skewed views imo
It’s about a real problem absolutely, and a problem that is worthy of discussion but just this thought process rings so false (at least, among the priviliged western users whom I think make up a large percentage of us.)
I can agree if you take it at its most literal. I was thinking op didn’t believe people think that exact sequence of words tho, so much as similar, but softer, sequences over much longer periods of time. Like, a person thinking “I’m glad my son is a serial predator instead of gay” is almost definitely not happening anywhere, but thinking about the various factors that play into this kind of predation as the, unfortunately, often highly normalized things that they are, is happening in just about every corner of the earth.
Their phrasing wasn’t ideal, but what they’re expressing is, in my mind at least, very hard to argue in good faith as false.
It was revealed to them in a dream.
I hear my parents saying “No, let him be” when he gets touchy-feely with their daughter, who got harassed on school by a boy before.
Not sure generalizing based on your parents is legit.
Admittedly, “Y’all ever stopped to notice on how my parents fear…” doesn’t sound quite the same.
As a parent of two wonderful children, who naturally has met a ton of other parents through the years (Friends, events, parent council in schools etc), I don’t know a single one who fears their child being gay, nor a single one who is anything but horrified if their kids are anything but happy well adjusted members of society.
A few of the kids friends are almost certainly in the LGBTQ2S+ orientation. Everyone loves them as they are. When they understand themselves and come forward with their identities, they will be as loved and welcomed as the day before.
Your comment is a sad commentary on your community and culture. I hope you find light and at least a better tribe.
You ever seen brazillian parents?
Actually yes. We have some Brazillians immigrants in the kids circle of friends and have had them over for dinner a few times. Very concientious. Animal activists.
Maybe It’s not representative of the people, but maybe its why they left.
Edit: their kid is probably straight.
LGBTQ2S+
Fucking. Stop. Shit like this is why bigots make fun of the whole movement. “I can’t keep up with the pronouns!” I can’t keep up with the bullshit, and I’m an ally. Stop. (Xe or Fae or Hu or whatever you are. You’re certainly not a fucking elf, won’t go there.)
LGBT covers 99.997% of non-cis humans. JFC, let it ride at that. (And here comes some 14-yo, “I don’t feel included.” Yeah, neither did any of us at that age, not even the jocks and popular kids.)
There is no compromising with the bigots. Being an ally in any movement also means you let others employ different tactics that you think are silly or express your views in a more extreme or mainstream way than you would express yourself.
I didn’t make it. I don’t care how long it is, or how many variations of gender identities exist now or in the future or how our culture evolves in recognizing our innate diversity. As long as the kids are safe, loved and can lead full lives as who they are.
I don’t care how hurt your feelings are, or how fragile you are or how limited or conditional your “allyship” is.
I have zero desire to avoid the scorn and ridicule of bigots. Its something to be worn with pride.
“Boys will be boys”
In the show 13 Reasons Why, a character goes to jail for raping a guy. His father is mad at him, not for being a rapist, but for being gay
It’s also a terrible TV show that glorifies suicide, I found it hard not to laugh at how stupid the plot and characters were
I agree. I watched all four seasons out of morbid curiosity and I’m grateful I didn’t watch it back when I was suicidal because I fear it would have encouraged me to kill myself. It sends the message “kill yourself so everyone around you will be sorry”. When you’re in a dark place mentally, that can be tempting.
I think you can replace “parents” with “fathers”. Most of the other men I’ve known that have faced homophobia from their families have had it directed at them from their fathers. I think it’s largely a cultural pass down from generation to generation. Just from personal observation, boomers were fucking awful about it, gen x did a lot better, and millennials have been even better than Gen x.
At the end of the day, what we know about parenting is largely from our own experiences with our parents mixed with our own ideas. As the culture shifts, so do ideas about parenting. It was deeply shameful to many people to have a gay kid until relatively recently. It was pretty normalized to be a shitty misogynistic and abusive straight man until relatively recently, as well. Parenting is just now starting to catch up with changes in societal norms.
No, it’s not always gendered in that way. I think my dad would be way more flexible about that. He just wants me to hit those milestones of family and house regardless of how at this point, but my mom is way more concerned with what other people might think.
Father’s may be more likely to perpetuate this idea, but I think choosing 'parents ’ was still appropriate enough, as there are plenty of mothers out there who are loud and proud bigots, just the same. Gender doesn’t really stop someone from being a bigot if that’s what is in their hearts. It’s a problem more often egged on by the dads, but far from exclusive to.
No, parents. My mom also doesn’t give a shit about this.
It’s called “systemic toxic masculinity”.
They don’t care about their kids - they’re much more concerned with themselves. They don’t want to have to deal with the “humiliation” and “embarrassment” of being judged by their peers. Fucking assholes, all of 'em.
Language! The correct term is “lady killer” /s
In some cases literally
