I’ve been in a stable relationship for a while now so naturally the idea of being married to that person comes up. But I just can’t think of any argument in favour of it.
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The government is discussing equalising tax groups, so unmarried individuals are no longer disadvantaged compared to married couples.
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I engage in a contract with high risk. If I don’t get my legalese right, I risk forfeiting a sizeable portion of my belongings when the contract comes to an end. High risk should entail high reward but in fact I don’t see any reward.
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Getting married changes nothing about the relationship. Until recently, the government didn’t even recognise same sex marriages. So if a straight couple gets married, should that make their relationship more valid because the government decides to put a stamp of approval on theirs and not on a gay couple? I hope not.
I’ve tried putting myself in other roles to imagine why I would want to get married. This is what I came up with:
- I like labelling things and I like the sound of the label “married”
- I want a big party called “marriage ceremony” that other people also understand as “marriage ceremony” (as opposed to just any party)
- I like the way married couples are portrayed in films and books (Ignoring the fact that in real life, a lot of marriages are unhappy, dysfunctional and draining until they end up in divorce).
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- Getting married changes nothing about the relationship. Until recently, the government didn’t even recognise same sex marriages. So if a straight couple gets married, should that make their relationship more valid because the government decides to put a stamp of approval on theirs and not on a gay couple? I hope not.
Depending on where you live, even if you don’t get married, a long de-facto union would be considered equivalent and you might face the same obligations here
We’ve been together for 25+ years and counting. The only reason we ‘legalized’ our union is out of legal worries. What if one of us get so sick that they aren’t able to decide of anything? We certainly don’t want anyone else but ourselves to be allowed to decide for the other, whatever needs to be decided. We also want to make sure the other will have no issue after the other has passed away… and don’t have to pay taxes… we already pay way too much of those.
This is a great perspective. In a way, the civil part of a marriage is a kind of business of two people. It often comes with legal protections, tax advantages, and some other perks (when I rent a car, my wife is assumed to be a driver at no extra charge!). In many areas, a married arrangement is preferable for adoption purposes. There are a bunch of side benefits to “making it official.”
All of that said, I think countries should do away with marriage. Return it to the churches, and offer a personal business license that gives all the same legal protections and tax options. Any two consenting adults can start a business. When it’s called “marriage” people get their panties in a bunch!
All of that said, I think countries should do away with marriage. Return it to the churches, and offer a personal business license that gives all the same legal protections and tax options.
In France we have the ‘PACS’ (Pacte Civil de Solidarité, Civil Solidarity Pact) which gives many of the same rights as a civil wedding but not all of them, alas. It’s really just a contract, than is easy to break if/when needed. For example, in a married coupled, the survivor is expected to receive half of the pension the other one was expected to receive after their retirement. Not so much with the pacs. But even incomplete I consider it a step in the right direction: creating a contract-like way to officialese a union between two people.
All this is why we did it. But it was need for health insurance which led us to pull the trigger.
Thanks for your perspective! I hadn’t thought at all of those aspects, the stability after death and the right to decide in an emergency… Very happy for you that your marriage has been going strong for so long.
At its heart, marriage is a public declaration of indefinite love and support for another person. That’s it.
Make that declaration if you want to. Make it with a ceremony and celebration if you want. Or don’t. Whatever works for you and your partner.
Pretty much this. It really comes down to do you want to make a lifelong commitment to your partner? If the answer is anything except “absolutely” then it’s either you’re not ready, or it’s not for you, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I was with my partner for almost a decade before we were married, we decided to mostly because “of course we’re going to be together, neither of us can imagine a different life”. So we made it official.
Ef no. Just get a prenup and break it up if it become unfixable. jesus fucking christ you people are cracking me up.
Okay? Glad our happiness has brought you joy in some way?
How is “do whatever you want” a controversial opinion? Personally, if I thought divorce was likely, I wouldn’t get married in the first place. But you do you.
For my wife and I it was more about taxes and being able to cover each other on our health insurance.
I don’t personally care, but my husband wanted to be married and my weak preference not to did not matter as much to me as his strong preference to.
It did help when our kids were younger because “stepmom” and “stepdad” have an easier time doing things like school pick-up than “mom’s boyfriend” or dad’s girlfriend."
Because you’re a member of a community that recognizes marriages as life long partnerships, and you want that person to be your lifelong partner. It sounds like you in fact don’t want that, so marriage doesn’t make sense for you.
Yeah. This part if OPs post was pretty unromantic:
I engage in a contract with high risk. If I don’t get my legalese right, I risk forfeiting a sizeable portion of my belongings when the contract comes to an end.
If you think your marriage might end up in divorce then you shouldn’t get married.
I mean if you don’t have children there’s no need.
But if you want children, children that are born out of wedlock might face issues, from legal issues like taxes, jus sanguinis citizenship, and custody issues, to potential societal judgement for being a “bastard”/illegitimate child.
I don’t think there is any societal judgement these days. I’m 52, and while my parents were technically married when I was born, there is no evidence of that unless you look at my birth certificate. They married after I was conceived and divorced soon after I was born. No one has ever brought it up.
I think the biggest risk is feeling sensitive about it and outing yourself as giving it weight and opening yourself up to bullying. I met my birth mom when I was 18. And the importance with which she stressed that I was not a bastard really made me question why she assumed I’d give a damn.
She had a lot of weird hangups about my circumstances. I just wanted to meet my siblings. Meeting the person who possessed the womb in which I was formed only made me thankful things worked out as they did.
But I suppose other cultures probably view it differently.
If one of the partners are taking on more of the household work or childrearing, and working less hours or at a less wellpaid position to be able to do so, both partners are benefiting. But if the relationship ends, the partner who sacrificed their salary for their family have less income, fewer promotions, worse opportunities to move around in the job market, and drastically lower pension funds.
This is one aspect where marriage can even things out. It means the spouse who benefited from having support at home to be able to further their own career, will compensate the spouse who lost opportunities for the sake of the relationship. The career opportunities and pension fund for the higher earner will benefit them after the relationship ends, so the repayment to the partner who gave them those opportunities should also continue after the relationship ends.
There are other ways to do this without marriage, like the higher earning partner placing part of their income into a pension fund for the lower earning partner, but this wont compensate for loss of opportunities that comes with taking most child/family care days or taking long parental leave or working fewer hours per week.
Theres also the fact that usually the purchasing within a couple is split evenly but unfairly. Perhaps one pays for the car or furnishings and the other pays for vacations and food. When splitting up, the one who bought the car still gas it, but the one who paid for the food has no belongings left. Marriage means that it doesnt matter who paid for what, you both put value into the relationship and both will leave the relationship on somewhat equal footing.
Marriage is a promise that one partner will not be worse off in the end, for supporting the other partners ambition. That what you work towards together will benefit you both together. This of course doesn’t apply to every couple or every situation.
You’ve got better rights it one of you dies. Plus you get a big dress and to be the centre of attention for a day
Why didn’t anyone tell me that? I just rented a tux.
Missed a trick there
We got married because my partner got a job offer in the US and there was no chance in hell to just bring your partner with you without being married. Thank god we dont live there anymore. @op you sound like a pathetic edgelord, maybe grow up?
Back in the day, it was just a public announcement of committed monogamy, accepted by the parents and then the community at large. In a way, it still is. I think the reasons you put forward are basically the main ones for most people. On top of that, the label makes you think twice about breaking things off after a heated argument (not always useful, comes more into play if nothing warrants it really but you’re a bit emotionally unstable).
For us it’s a sacrament. And we both wanted to declare our complete exclusivity to each other.
I only wanted to get married because my ex-wife wanted to get married. To me, it’s just a symbolic bullshit thing; I never needed it to be fulfilled. And now having been married (and subsequently divorced) I would not do it again. Not because I don’t want to be with another person, but because it really isn’t that meaningful and it’s a huge, expensive hassle.
